Love x 2000 divided by the coefficient of lost love plus the sum of healing divided by reality.

I don't know what it feels like to have your heart broken. I know what it feels like to bite your tongue and regret it, but I've never had someone tell me they love me, then take it back another day.

I avoid that whole situation quite efficiently. But I think I've missed out on a lot. I truly believe that the only way any of us will ever learn, is if we completely throw ourselves into something. Loose your footing, forget your purpose, forget what used to matter, fall in love!

I focus so hard on letting myself feel just enough that if that person was to suddenly change their mind and pull away from me, the damage would be minimal. It's awful. I have to constantly watch myself.

I envy those who fall, really truly, with the snap of fingers. Those who are able to trust themselves enough to risk the pain love can bring. I mean, hi, I'm a hopeless hopeless romantic, love means everything to me. But I'm careful with it. Because I'm afraid of being hurt. Who isn't? But, why are we?

The generic allergy to broken hearts. I think most of us have it. Let's get rid of it. I know that love is special, so why are we so terrified?

Why is it so hard?

We shouldn't be afraid. I think that being hurt happens, and we have to deal. But don't dwell. Refusing to realize that broken hearts are all (this is me being optimistic) mended. You're never going to fall in love with the same person twice. So if you lose someone, don't look for them. If it's really and truly lost love, then it's gone. It doesn't mean it wasn't there, but it does mean it is no longer present. And once you lose love, you don't want that same love back, because all you're going to remember is how you lost it.

So once you lose love, find new love.

Know that love knows no boundaries, and can't be defined or bottled. Love is an energy that cannot be exhausted.

There is always love. Always.

I think that by restricting yourself to avoid being hurt is the stupidest thing you can do. What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. Nobody knows what love is. You can't google it, and your best friend or your mom can't tell you what it means. You are the only person who can define love for yourself. And each person you meet, and each person you love, is unique, you don't love anybody in the same way.

And if that's true, then we can't be afraid of getting hurt, because if we get hurt, it'll be different every time. Afraid of falling in love is like being afraid of eating breakfast. If you skip out on breakfast because you're scared, you're just going to eat more at lunch. Meaning... if you don't let yourself fall in love, because you're afraid of getting hurt, you're just going to end up hurting yourself more because you aren't letting yourself FEEL.

So, eat breakfast. And don't be scared of love because you're scared of getting hurt.

I can't tell you what falling in love means, and I can't tell you what being hurt feels like. You have to find out for yourself. You have to eat breakfast, or you will die.

hahaha just kidding that was a little extreme. But really, take some walls down and start to trust. Trust yourself, and trust the people you love. You will get hurt, but you will also fall in love. And I think the good in love outweighs everything bad that potentially comes with it.

So, life lesson today? LOVE! (eat breakfast)

Being Reasonable? Unreasonable to Me.

I just don't get it. Maybe it is just me. But I'm sure there are a couple more out there.

The relevance of straws to every day life? I don't know if there is any. Does it matter? Probably not.

Hey. It's November! :)

Life will happen whether you sleep through it, waste it, or take advantage of it. Life is life. Living is living, and until we're dead we're all living life.

And some people are reasonable about it.

But I'm not.

I can't STAND being reasonable.

Okay, do I sound crazy? Probably, well... I am. lol Reasonable. Why bother? Does EVERYTHING need an explanation? NO! No, it doesn't, I promise. And not everything needs to make sense. You don't always have to take your turn, if no one pushes, there would only ever be straight lines.

And with straight lines all you can draw are squares.... and triangles which makes me think of math.

But you could also draw a kite.... I like Kites. Maybe straight lines aren't so bad.

But imagine a world of ONLY straight lines? You couldn't jump on a trampoline, or smile, or write the letter S. Because it would look more like a digital clock five.

Back to the point. Questions are okay, but answers aren't always there. And even if the are, you don't need to know everything. You really don't need everything to have a logical explanation. Not everything in life is logical. Alright?

Okay?

Do you get what I'm getting at? Why did I choose this thumbnail for the start of my video? I don't know. Because I Wanted to? Reasonable people don't accept 'want' as a reason. Which is SOOOO stupid! Because, if you want something, you get it, or you do it, or whatever. Wanting is the simplest emotion to feel. How could you be more precise? Why isn't it reasonable to want?

So maybe I'm not unreasonable. I'm only unreasonable compared to that certain type of reasonable people.

What am I talking about? Where's the life lesson?

Hmm. As long as you feel reasonable to yourself, you're good to go. Don't try and be reasonable to those unreasonabley reasonable people. Ya hear? It just isn't worth it. Because, some people need too much explanation to ever understand the joke.

And it's just not funny anymore when you have to explain yourself.

Do Your Homework... Oh, and Don't Lie.

Happy Friday! :)

I don't like being lied to. I think lying (lieing?) is the worst thing ever. Don't lie. Okay? I read a book in English last week about humanity (haha yes, very deep) and whabam looky here at the quote I found:

"I hate, detest, and can't bear a lie, not because I am straighter than the rest of us, but simply because it appalls me. There is a taint of death, a flavour of mortality in lies- which is exactly what I hate and detest in the world- what I want to forget. It makes me miserable and sick, like biting something rotten would do." - Joseph Conrad

Overwhelmed? Everyone cried this week. EVERYONE! hahah okay... I can think of three off the top of my head. But really, there is a heck of a lot of overwhemlingness swirling around in everyone's head. Overwhelmingness is not welcome. Did you know you're not supposed to use "off of" beside each other because they are the same type of word or something like that... So I just typed "off of the top of my head" but I had to go back and backspace the of... Weird. Anyways. Overwhlemed. With emotion. You can't be overwhelmed with homework. Everything relates back to an emotion.

So, we have to control our emotions. Nah meeen? haha..... I'm easily overwhelmed. But I don't want to be. So I stop myself.

Not from the good overwhelmingness. We should all search for the good overwhelmingness. Do you like how I make up a word pretty much every time I write one of these? haha overwhelmingness.

But bad overwhelmingness. The sort of overwhelmingness that makes you sit and cry. None of us are going to get anywhere doing that. So don't let yourself brood. Stressed about your essay? Don't sit there and talk about how stressed you are. Just write your essay. Seriously. Write your essay. It's that simple.

Life lessons today: write your essay and don't lie.

Thinking, now stop. Now live.

Pretending opportunity, doing what's right, doing what you have to. Changing your mind, and fiddling with others. It's no fun, it's not easy, and it's hard to come back smiling.

Things in your life, will go right. Things in everyone's life will go wrong. But who decides what's right, and who gets to say what's wrong? Maybe my problem is I think that everything just happens. I don't know right from wrong anymore. Events are events, feelings are feelings. I think I'm becoming more and more of an observer every day. De-humanizing myself to the most extreme way possible, trying to get rid of all feeling, but instead just collecting mass emotion.

You feel swamped? You feel hollow. Robots feel it all.

I'm not a robot.

I know how to feel. Robots don't feel. Robots see. Robots see it all. And document it, and use it later.

I don't know if it's better to watch, and remember, or if it's better to experience, and forget? I know watching and forgetting is useless, but maybe experiencing and remembering is best. Best better bestest.

Who needs sense.

Decisions are hard, and change is hard. But decisions are necessary and change is un-avoidable. I still haven't forgotten that line I read a while ago some where talking about not feeling afraid of things that will take a long time to happen. Because the time will pass anyways. Because it's so so true. Don't use time as an excuse, you're being ridiculous.

I think, if we'd all do what makes us happy, and not always what we think is right and not always what we think is easy, then we could live so much better. You lose so much when you do things because you think you should. I don't really believe in obligation, not completely. Everything should be choice, because then every action is an active thought. The more actively we think, the more sense our actions will make. If we constantly cut our thinking off we're all going to explode into piles of ash.

Instead of getting lost, to avoid feeling like someone is holding a pillow over your head. Do something. Try something. Change something. Make a decision. Try?

I'll get back to you.

You Should, sometimes.

Why is it that just when you think you start to have a hold on things that other things start falling apart? Just when everything finally begins to make sense, you lose your mind. Why does it happen to me all the time?

Blah!

Happy summer guys! :) I hope the sun is treating you nice.

Do things drive you crazy? Are there some things you know you shouldn't do, but you do anyway? I don't mean illegal like smashing windows or stealing or anything. I mean... just a shouldn't, I can't tell you my example, because I shouldn't have done it. I shower in shouldn'ts. But maybe I don't believe in shouldn't anymore.

Why not?

That's my new thing maybe. I shouldn't do this, why not? well, I know why, and I bet you know why you shouldn't do YOUR shouldn'ts too. But why not? I read a caption on a picture (I know that's so lame haha but sometimes they are good) and it was something along the lines of "don't say sorry for what you feel, it's like saying sorry for being real"

and, I like that. I like it a lot. i think it's 18675883% true. Why SHOULD we be scared of shouldn'ts? hmm? i shouldn't say this.... I shouldn't have hit send on that.

I don't care if you shouldn't. If you don't go after what you want, and you hide behind what you should, you're never going to get as far as you can. Take a risk. Don't hide behind shouldn't. It is easy to say I shouldn't, it's a lot harder to say I did it.

And "I did it" is so much better than "Oh, well, I shouldn't"

You have to make yourself happy. You have to make other people happy too, that is important. I put other people before me all the time, and it's not bad, not all the time. Just don't forget about yourself, you matter just as much as all those guys you put before you. okay? Promise. You matter.

So. Life lesson today is get rid of the shouldn'ts. Not all of them. Some things you really just shouldn't do. And you and I both know that, I'm not always being painfully literal. You shouldn't tell your mom she has failed you as a parent if she won't drive you to your friends house, even if you feel like she has. I'm not talking about those kinds of shouldn'ts, I'm talking about the things you think about saying, and then get scared too.

the: "I've never been in love before" 's. and.... woah, I mean I guess you have no way of knowing what just happened. But I almost backspaced that. Because in my head I thought "Well, I shouldn't."

Don't go crazy. But don't let the shouldn'ts drive you nuts. Sometimes you should.

Don't say sorry for being real, because it's like saying sorry for being real.

And realness is what I think we should all be striving for. No robots, right? You know that.

Happy July 16th.

Don't think too far ahead, you'll ruin the present if you focus on the future. Shouldn'ts are all about consequence. But if you're terrified of consequence, you're scared of life. If you're scared of living? You've gotta..... do something about that.

So I guess the life lesson is, find out why you feel like you shouldn't. Know consequence, but don't be scared of it. Everything has consequences. But maybe think about it like every action has a reaction right? blah blah blah we've all heard that before. But really, consequences are reactions to actions. If you don't take action, there will be no reaction.

If there is no reaction? there's no life.

Everything is reacting to something. You can't stop it. No stopping consequence, no stopping feeling. Some things just are, even if they shouldn't be.

sleep tight everyone, I'm going upstairs.

To be continued

Hey. < have you ever noticed how periods make you seem pissed? (lol. ha.) I don't like them. lol

I'm not pissed. Have I talked about the word "hate" yet? Proably not, since it's been six years since I've actually said anything. We had this presentation at our school, a long time ago, and this woman came in to speak to us about... life? She is a holocaust survivor and she told us about her experiences and such. And she talked about hate.

I used to say hate all the time. ughhh guys I HATE when you do that, gross.... I HATE bugs. Really, I said hate, a lot.

After this presentation... I don't say hate anymore. (okay... I do, but it's usually followed by a "WAIT! I don't say hate anymore")

I can't really explain what this woman said. But, she cried, in front of an entire gym filled with stupid high school kids. And not a single stupid highschool kid was laughing, or making a stupid joke. Every single stupid highschool kid sitting in a stupid plastic chair was watching this woman, and every single one of us was FEELING. This woman, I'm terrible I don't remember her name, but this woman was explaing hate to us. I can't do what she did, but if you heard her talk about hate, you would feel the little squirmish feeling I get every time I say it. Everytime I say it I can see her, on stage, crying, and I can see the gym, and all the kids, and I can hear the quiet-ness that the gym had.

I want to make people feel like she did. Like... how she made the kids feel, I don't want people to go through what she did.

Do you ever feel like everything was better before? Bike's were way nicer, microphones were big and silver and wicked. And if we go way back.... us girls got to wear ridiculous dresses and carry little umbrellas around and guys had to wear cute little jackets? And it was a big deal if someone wanted to hold your hand? Does anyone else miss that? Maybe you can't technically miss anything you've never had, but, I do. I miss a lot of things I've never had.

I wish I could time travel.

hahahah on the literacy test this year one of the questions was asking us what out ideal career would be. And I wrote about being a time traveler, really, I did.

Stop it. Now Go. (old post)

There is a brick wall in between my brain and my fingers. I'm trying to get the message that's stuck up there down in this little box I'm typing in, but it's not working. I've tried over and over and over again.

Words are so hard.

I feel hollow today. (Emma I hope you notice I used that word again :P) Like someone snuck up on me last night with a big spoon and snacked on my indies. Cause there's nothing left today. Nothing is wrong, and I'm not sad, just hollow.

Hollow isn't a nice feeling, and there is no reason why you should have to feel it. Do you know the hollow feeling I'm talking about?

I promise that you're good enough, even if you're not. You don't have to be THE best to be YOUR best, and YOUR best IS the best, and the THE best doesn't exist.