I used to think everybody had a purpose, and everyone had one thing they needed most. My best friend needed to be loved, I needed to be listened to. I realize now maybe that's why we were so close, still are. Her purpose was to listen, and mine was to love.
Everybody needs to be loved. Everybody wants and and everybody wants to be wanted, it's true. It's nice to know you're needed. So we all should express our need for each other, appreciate it. Say thanks.
It would be selfish of us to ignore this need to want and be wanted.
What does it mean to be selfish?
Like "normal", selfishness incorporates many a idea into one word.
Selfishness is a word many people are afraid of. Nobody wants to be selfish, some people say others "are" selfish. It is an insult, like "normal". But I think everybody is a little bit selfish, and I think it's a good thing.
Selfishness is when you put yourself first, above all else and others. A selfish person is "concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself : seeking or concentrating on one's own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others." Or, simply, making yourself number one.
According to most this is not ideal, in fact, it's a little bit disgusting. But who in their right mind would want to raise a world too shy, too ashamed to ever feel like it is number one?
Shouldn't we be proud of ourselves? Shouldn't we take time for ourselves? Shouldn't we relax and indulge and forget, even just for a little while?
The opposite of selfish would be selfless: "having no concern for self," and that just sounds terrible. If you think that you can live your life "having no concern for self," I think you're lying to yourself.
What is self? Self is important, it's you. Your Self is your happiness, your wellbeing, your health. Self holds your dreams and secrets and ideas. You don't need to be afraid of selfishness. You just need to learn how to tame it.
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/selfish
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/selfless
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Authority.
I understand process, I do. I would even say I respect it. I know that process is necessary. It sucks, but it's how things work.
However, I do not respect so called figures of authority who assume that because they are in a place of "power" that they are a) smarter b) superior c) all around better d) all of the above than anyone who speaks to them.
My initial reaction is frustration when I encounter such a person. I want to swear and throw things and bite these people because I think they are WRONG and I think they are DUMB and BLIND because how could they POSSIBLY THINK that the way they live makes sense?
But that is immature. True leaders are those who can contain frustration, deal with it. I'm working on it.
Rule books are written in place of common sense and rule books are written so that people in spite of other people can get the first person in trouble. Rule books are written because without process, without organization there would be chaos.
There is also something, unfamiliar I'm afraid (to some), called common sense.
Scenario 1.
Sally Brown plays baseball for fun after school with her peers at Realistic High School. The school baseball team gets to help plan the big end of the year baseball final game which EVERYONE gets excited about. In order to raise money for this big end of the year game, the baseball coach decides that selling specialized baseball bats to the students will be a good idea. The baseball team agrees and they throw around a few ideas for logos. Two of which were, BASEBALL 101 and BASEBALL AT REALISTIC HIGH SCHOOL IS THE BESTEST SO COOL BASEBALL TEAM YA WOOOT!. Sally Brown is SO excited about selling these special baseball bats that she goes around to her classmates and plays up the longer, more excited logo for the baseball bat. Not in spite of BASEBALL 101, simply because her own personal bias lies with the longer... cooler phrase. Now, one day Sally Brown had a doctor's appointment after school, or maybe a special meeting to go, or honestly maybe she just forgot, but she missed baseball practice. At this particular baseball practice the baseball team voted on which logo to plaster on the baseball bats, BASEBALL 101 won. Sally missed a few baseball practices after that, she decided that maybe she played too many other sports and maybe just couldn't commit to baseball. A few weeks later Sally noticed the baseball bats for sale at lunch. The baseball bats with BASEBALL 101 on them. Sally was a little disappointed because she was, along with several of her peers (a few of which didn't even PLAY baseball) really excited for the bats that said BASEBALL AT REALISTIC HIGH SCHOOL IS THE BESTEST SO COOL BASEBALL TEAM YA WOOOT. But no worries, Sally Brown decided she would go talk to the coach. Sally found the baseball coach and greeted her sweetly and simply inquired about the BASEBALL 101 bats. She understood that the orders were already being made for the bats and that the team had worked together to choose a logo so she suggested to take the initiative to create the YA WOOT COOL bats on her own, sell them, and give all profits to the baseball team for the end of the year game. The coach got very angry with Sally and punched her straight in the face. hahaha just kidding. But the coach did get mad. She seemed offended and angrily announced she would have NO PART in any YA WOOT COOL bats that would be created. And the baseball team WOULD NOT accept any of the money made off the profit. Sally brought up the point that she had already spoken to many who were excited about the YA WOOT COOL bats. The coach told her that if the students did not have the initiative to play baseball and come to practice to vote, they did not have a right to what went on the bats.
Sally was confused. She would have supported the coach's decision if the baseball team had been making bats for the TEAM. Because, then she would have been making sense! Of course the whole school doesn't need to vote on what bats the baseball team uses. But the baseball bats that were being made weren't JUST for the baseball team. No, they weren't. They were for the WHOLE SCHOOL. So why shouldn't the WHOLE SCHOOL have a say in what goes on them? Without having to play on the baseball team? Surely having the whole school on the baseball team is unrealistic. No one would ever get to play.
(This story is going somewhere, I promise)
So Sally decides to make the bats and sell them at cost so no profit is made and the students excited about the YA COOL WOOT bats could have one if they really wanted. She went to see the... Ruler of the school to make sure it was okay to have Realistic High School printed on the bats, out of respect for the process and procedure schools are so heavily dependant on. (With good reason)
Sally Brown told her story and explained the situation and the Ruler said she didn't see an issue with Sally's bats except she should probably talk to the baseball coach before she went and got them made. Sally urged the Ruler to not do so as she knew it would only upset the coach, and that is not what she wanted. She just wanted to make her peers happy.
At the same time as this, Realistic High School was planning a school sock hop open to the whole city, just like the one they had last year. Sally just happened to be head-planner for the sock hop. Since the Ruler decided she was not comfortable with a free for all city wide sock hop (which it wasn't, by the way, you would have needed your student card), Sally proposed increasing the number of official sign-ins for the sock hop from 2 to 5, so every student at Realistic High School could sign in 5 students who live in the city who attend other high schools. The Ruler said she could not approve have unlimited sign ins. Sally made the point that the number 5 is not unlimited. In fact, the number 5 is still quite a restriction on the free if you have a student card sock hop they had planned last year.
The Ruler was angry and told Sally she didn't appreciate her "attitude" and what was with this "attitude" coming from students and coaches lately. Why were they all "in [her] face"? She "doesn't appreciate it". "Oh, and by the way, Sally, you're not going to get approval for those little bats you made. I spoke to the coach."
Sally said "thank you" and promptly left the office and dropped a burning match into the prettiest plastic plant on her way out. She was livid.
Because WHAT JUST HAPPENED? Did the Ruler just complain about being approached? HA! HELLOOOO!!!! Leaders are supposed to lead, not complain about company "being in their face". The Ruler also questioned why it always seemed to be Sally coming into her office. Sally could have, should have, (but take note that she DID NOT reply) with the fact that she tries hard to be a LEADER in her school to be an ADVOCATE for those who don't have the time or don't have the nerves or don't have the words to approach the Ruler. Students can trust Sally Brown, and students do. For if students at Realistic High School did not trust Sally Brown, Sally Brown would not be in the Ruler's office ADVOCATING for her peers.
And the Ruler wonders where all this "Attitude" is coming from. "What's with all this attitude toward Rulers?". That is a quote. There is a flaw. For couldn't Sally have replied, "what's with all this attitude toward Sally Browns?" Why does being a Ruler give her the excuse to belittle Sally Brown? hmmmm?
The Ruler is in a position of power. She is supposed to be a leader within the school. Yet the Ruler is overwhelmed by the amount of requests, the amount of trust and even the amount of respect that coaches and students and Sally Browns have for her. Because it was not out of selfish reasons Sally asked permission to make the extra bats or have the extra sign ins. Sally was doing it for her peers. The Ruler can't handle being depended on, yet is infuriated with attitude.
The truth is you have earn respect.
I know this is long and I apologize and I'm probably going to get in trouble for writing it because most people who read it are going to make the connections between me and Sally Brown and baseball and grad committee and the ruler and Westgate's principal. And if you haven't, now you have.
Some battles just aren't worth fighting. Which is why I returned, well am in the process of returning all the t-shirt money I collected. I'm done now, it's over. THEY win. And honestly, if they will sleep better at night knowing they've squashed my pipe dream of making cool grad shirts, then I guess good on them. But honestly, I think it is wrong. Please tell me what I did wrong. Please.
I could have gone and made the t shirts and not told anybody. But out of RESPECT for my school I asked for permission. I was accused of having attitude when asking for a compromise. I feel unimportant and undervalued. I'm trying to do something for my school and the Ruler can't even give me a good reason why she doesn't want me to.
I hate it.
I don't want the world to work like that.
It seems unfair to me. I know the Ruler is afraid of having drunk kids show up to the sock hop. But honestly, kick them out if they are intoxicated. Or make everyone take a breath test before they come in. I don't know. Why say okay one year, have no problems and say no the next year. Why are people so afraid to look bad.
There is no shame in making mistakes.
I know I have a tiny bit of a huge attitude. But I don't think I'm totally unreasonable. I do try and hold my tongue and I don't punch people or set things on fire even though I want to. I'm a little fed up though. I'm sorry to some of my sac who I seemed a little bit crazy to today. I just want things to work for you after all the hard work you've all done.
There was something written called the Paradoxical commandments. By Dr. Kent M. Keith and they are sort of rules that I live by. For example: If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives do good anyway.
I'll post them all in a post after this one. Read them. Think about them.
I'm rambling, sorry. All over the place.
Gandhi said "Be the change you wish to see in the world"
I say, "Sir, I'm trying"
And I guess the life lesson today is to just keep trying guys, just. keep. trying. And don't be frustrated, it's okay. Some Rulers shouldn't be rulers. "The biggest men and woman with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds. Think big anyway"
Life isn't going to go how you want it to, or even how you think it should. But you can't stop trying to be that change you want to see. You have to do good anyway and you must not forget to think big anyway.
I'm not going to make grad t shirts for the Westgate class of 2012.
But if you've think you've seen the last of Sally Brown, you've got another thing coming.
However, I do not respect so called figures of authority who assume that because they are in a place of "power" that they are a) smarter b) superior c) all around better d) all of the above than anyone who speaks to them.
My initial reaction is frustration when I encounter such a person. I want to swear and throw things and bite these people because I think they are WRONG and I think they are DUMB and BLIND because how could they POSSIBLY THINK that the way they live makes sense?
But that is immature. True leaders are those who can contain frustration, deal with it. I'm working on it.
Rule books are written in place of common sense and rule books are written so that people in spite of other people can get the first person in trouble. Rule books are written because without process, without organization there would be chaos.
There is also something, unfamiliar I'm afraid (to some), called common sense.
Scenario 1.
Sally Brown plays baseball for fun after school with her peers at Realistic High School. The school baseball team gets to help plan the big end of the year baseball final game which EVERYONE gets excited about. In order to raise money for this big end of the year game, the baseball coach decides that selling specialized baseball bats to the students will be a good idea. The baseball team agrees and they throw around a few ideas for logos. Two of which were, BASEBALL 101 and BASEBALL AT REALISTIC HIGH SCHOOL IS THE BESTEST SO COOL BASEBALL TEAM YA WOOOT!. Sally Brown is SO excited about selling these special baseball bats that she goes around to her classmates and plays up the longer, more excited logo for the baseball bat. Not in spite of BASEBALL 101, simply because her own personal bias lies with the longer... cooler phrase. Now, one day Sally Brown had a doctor's appointment after school, or maybe a special meeting to go, or honestly maybe she just forgot, but she missed baseball practice. At this particular baseball practice the baseball team voted on which logo to plaster on the baseball bats, BASEBALL 101 won. Sally missed a few baseball practices after that, she decided that maybe she played too many other sports and maybe just couldn't commit to baseball. A few weeks later Sally noticed the baseball bats for sale at lunch. The baseball bats with BASEBALL 101 on them. Sally was a little disappointed because she was, along with several of her peers (a few of which didn't even PLAY baseball) really excited for the bats that said BASEBALL AT REALISTIC HIGH SCHOOL IS THE BESTEST SO COOL BASEBALL TEAM YA WOOOT. But no worries, Sally Brown decided she would go talk to the coach. Sally found the baseball coach and greeted her sweetly and simply inquired about the BASEBALL 101 bats. She understood that the orders were already being made for the bats and that the team had worked together to choose a logo so she suggested to take the initiative to create the YA WOOT COOL bats on her own, sell them, and give all profits to the baseball team for the end of the year game. The coach got very angry with Sally and punched her straight in the face. hahaha just kidding. But the coach did get mad. She seemed offended and angrily announced she would have NO PART in any YA WOOT COOL bats that would be created. And the baseball team WOULD NOT accept any of the money made off the profit. Sally brought up the point that she had already spoken to many who were excited about the YA WOOT COOL bats. The coach told her that if the students did not have the initiative to play baseball and come to practice to vote, they did not have a right to what went on the bats.
Sally was confused. She would have supported the coach's decision if the baseball team had been making bats for the TEAM. Because, then she would have been making sense! Of course the whole school doesn't need to vote on what bats the baseball team uses. But the baseball bats that were being made weren't JUST for the baseball team. No, they weren't. They were for the WHOLE SCHOOL. So why shouldn't the WHOLE SCHOOL have a say in what goes on them? Without having to play on the baseball team? Surely having the whole school on the baseball team is unrealistic. No one would ever get to play.
(This story is going somewhere, I promise)
So Sally decides to make the bats and sell them at cost so no profit is made and the students excited about the YA COOL WOOT bats could have one if they really wanted. She went to see the... Ruler of the school to make sure it was okay to have Realistic High School printed on the bats, out of respect for the process and procedure schools are so heavily dependant on. (With good reason)
Sally Brown told her story and explained the situation and the Ruler said she didn't see an issue with Sally's bats except she should probably talk to the baseball coach before she went and got them made. Sally urged the Ruler to not do so as she knew it would only upset the coach, and that is not what she wanted. She just wanted to make her peers happy.
At the same time as this, Realistic High School was planning a school sock hop open to the whole city, just like the one they had last year. Sally just happened to be head-planner for the sock hop. Since the Ruler decided she was not comfortable with a free for all city wide sock hop (which it wasn't, by the way, you would have needed your student card), Sally proposed increasing the number of official sign-ins for the sock hop from 2 to 5, so every student at Realistic High School could sign in 5 students who live in the city who attend other high schools. The Ruler said she could not approve have unlimited sign ins. Sally made the point that the number 5 is not unlimited. In fact, the number 5 is still quite a restriction on the free if you have a student card sock hop they had planned last year.
The Ruler was angry and told Sally she didn't appreciate her "attitude" and what was with this "attitude" coming from students and coaches lately. Why were they all "in [her] face"? She "doesn't appreciate it". "Oh, and by the way, Sally, you're not going to get approval for those little bats you made. I spoke to the coach."
Sally said "thank you" and promptly left the office and dropped a burning match into the prettiest plastic plant on her way out. She was livid.
Because WHAT JUST HAPPENED? Did the Ruler just complain about being approached? HA! HELLOOOO!!!! Leaders are supposed to lead, not complain about company "being in their face". The Ruler also questioned why it always seemed to be Sally coming into her office. Sally could have, should have, (but take note that she DID NOT reply) with the fact that she tries hard to be a LEADER in her school to be an ADVOCATE for those who don't have the time or don't have the nerves or don't have the words to approach the Ruler. Students can trust Sally Brown, and students do. For if students at Realistic High School did not trust Sally Brown, Sally Brown would not be in the Ruler's office ADVOCATING for her peers.
And the Ruler wonders where all this "Attitude" is coming from. "What's with all this attitude toward Rulers?". That is a quote. There is a flaw. For couldn't Sally have replied, "what's with all this attitude toward Sally Browns?" Why does being a Ruler give her the excuse to belittle Sally Brown? hmmmm?
The Ruler is in a position of power. She is supposed to be a leader within the school. Yet the Ruler is overwhelmed by the amount of requests, the amount of trust and even the amount of respect that coaches and students and Sally Browns have for her. Because it was not out of selfish reasons Sally asked permission to make the extra bats or have the extra sign ins. Sally was doing it for her peers. The Ruler can't handle being depended on, yet is infuriated with attitude.
The truth is you have earn respect.
I know this is long and I apologize and I'm probably going to get in trouble for writing it because most people who read it are going to make the connections between me and Sally Brown and baseball and grad committee and the ruler and Westgate's principal. And if you haven't, now you have.
Some battles just aren't worth fighting. Which is why I returned, well am in the process of returning all the t-shirt money I collected. I'm done now, it's over. THEY win. And honestly, if they will sleep better at night knowing they've squashed my pipe dream of making cool grad shirts, then I guess good on them. But honestly, I think it is wrong. Please tell me what I did wrong. Please.
I could have gone and made the t shirts and not told anybody. But out of RESPECT for my school I asked for permission. I was accused of having attitude when asking for a compromise. I feel unimportant and undervalued. I'm trying to do something for my school and the Ruler can't even give me a good reason why she doesn't want me to.
I hate it.
I don't want the world to work like that.
It seems unfair to me. I know the Ruler is afraid of having drunk kids show up to the sock hop. But honestly, kick them out if they are intoxicated. Or make everyone take a breath test before they come in. I don't know. Why say okay one year, have no problems and say no the next year. Why are people so afraid to look bad.
There is no shame in making mistakes.
I know I have a tiny bit of a huge attitude. But I don't think I'm totally unreasonable. I do try and hold my tongue and I don't punch people or set things on fire even though I want to. I'm a little fed up though. I'm sorry to some of my sac who I seemed a little bit crazy to today. I just want things to work for you after all the hard work you've all done.
There was something written called the Paradoxical commandments. By Dr. Kent M. Keith and they are sort of rules that I live by. For example: If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives do good anyway.
I'll post them all in a post after this one. Read them. Think about them.
I'm rambling, sorry. All over the place.
Gandhi said "Be the change you wish to see in the world"
I say, "Sir, I'm trying"
And I guess the life lesson today is to just keep trying guys, just. keep. trying. And don't be frustrated, it's okay. Some Rulers shouldn't be rulers. "The biggest men and woman with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds. Think big anyway"
Life isn't going to go how you want it to, or even how you think it should. But you can't stop trying to be that change you want to see. You have to do good anyway and you must not forget to think big anyway.
I'm not going to make grad t shirts for the Westgate class of 2012.
But if you've think you've seen the last of Sally Brown, you've got another thing coming.
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Normal
I think the word "normal" is missused. "Normal" means something different to everyone. Everyone has their own "normal". It is "normal" for me to brush and floss my teeth twice a day. Yet somehow "normal" has this obscure negative connotation. Like I'm spposed to think that if I think you are "normal", I think you are boring, insignificant. And I don't like you.
But that's not true.
I don't think brushing my teeth is a bad thing, it's not insignificant and I actually enjoy the simple task, especially if I have my favourite toothpaste.
So why are "normal" actions different from "normal" people? NOBODY IS NORMAL. People use this blanket term to cover up everyone who is DIFFERENT than themselves. Some people wake up and don't brush their teeth, I wake up and do. That's a choice person x and I have chosen to make. I don't hate person x because they don't brush their teeth. (I just think they are smelly because morning breath permeates even the strongest of breath mints).
I know that people think pretty people are "normal". If you spend time on your appearance then you must have no substance underneath your pretty eye make-up on your pretty eyes. LIES
I wish I could ERASE the word normal from everyone's vocabulary. I think everybody is complicated and I believe that normal has become an insult. Which it shouldn't be.
You are not being NORMAL by imitating someone's choices. You are adopting their NORMS. Things that are NORMAL to them. THIS DOES NOT MAKE YOU NORMAL. Normal is not something you can achieve, or be insulted with.
Nobody is normal. So stop insulting people with nothing. Go ahead and disagree with their NORMS, but don't say you don't like them because they are normal. That is such a broad statement. Suddenly everyone who is disliked by another is labelled as NORMAL or NOT NORMAL. When we are really talking about NORMS.
Does this make sense?
People need to be more specific. "He's too... normal" is a ridiculous thing to say. Maybe he is average. Maybe you do not appreciate the things that are normal to him. This does not make him normal. It just doesn't. Normal doesn't mean boring. Normal doesn't mean average. Normal is the composition of norms orginal to each indivudual. Calling someone normal is insulting their entire being. I don't beleive you truly hate anyone to the point where you can not find any good in them.
Now say there is a group of people who have similar NORMS. Or, some frogs. It is normal for frogs to... eat flies. But a non-fly-eating frog thinks all the fly-eating frogs are "too normal". Too stereotypically froggy. I will sleep better at night if the non-fly-eating frog would skip the vague comment about normality and dive straight in to the fact that she does not agree with frog norms, what is normal to those fly-eating frogs.
Normality is something personal that is comprised of your norms. People with similar norms tend to stick together. If you do not agree or appreciate someone's norms, whether it be fly-eating or nose-picking, that is your choice. But that does not make them NORMAL. You can think people are boring and no fun and even emotionally draining because they are so dull. But this does not make those people NORMAL to one another, unless they have similar norms.
Uhmm... long story short. Actions create norms which gives birth to normality in a person's life. Routine exercises in humanity that are common to an individual are NORMAL to said individual. That person is NOT "normal". And neither are you.
But that's not true.
I don't think brushing my teeth is a bad thing, it's not insignificant and I actually enjoy the simple task, especially if I have my favourite toothpaste.
So why are "normal" actions different from "normal" people? NOBODY IS NORMAL. People use this blanket term to cover up everyone who is DIFFERENT than themselves. Some people wake up and don't brush their teeth, I wake up and do. That's a choice person x and I have chosen to make. I don't hate person x because they don't brush their teeth. (I just think they are smelly because morning breath permeates even the strongest of breath mints).
I know that people think pretty people are "normal". If you spend time on your appearance then you must have no substance underneath your pretty eye make-up on your pretty eyes. LIES
I wish I could ERASE the word normal from everyone's vocabulary. I think everybody is complicated and I believe that normal has become an insult. Which it shouldn't be.
You are not being NORMAL by imitating someone's choices. You are adopting their NORMS. Things that are NORMAL to them. THIS DOES NOT MAKE YOU NORMAL. Normal is not something you can achieve, or be insulted with.
Nobody is normal. So stop insulting people with nothing. Go ahead and disagree with their NORMS, but don't say you don't like them because they are normal. That is such a broad statement. Suddenly everyone who is disliked by another is labelled as NORMAL or NOT NORMAL. When we are really talking about NORMS.
Does this make sense?
People need to be more specific. "He's too... normal" is a ridiculous thing to say. Maybe he is average. Maybe you do not appreciate the things that are normal to him. This does not make him normal. It just doesn't. Normal doesn't mean boring. Normal doesn't mean average. Normal is the composition of norms orginal to each indivudual. Calling someone normal is insulting their entire being. I don't beleive you truly hate anyone to the point where you can not find any good in them.
Now say there is a group of people who have similar NORMS. Or, some frogs. It is normal for frogs to... eat flies. But a non-fly-eating frog thinks all the fly-eating frogs are "too normal". Too stereotypically froggy. I will sleep better at night if the non-fly-eating frog would skip the vague comment about normality and dive straight in to the fact that she does not agree with frog norms, what is normal to those fly-eating frogs.
Normality is something personal that is comprised of your norms. People with similar norms tend to stick together. If you do not agree or appreciate someone's norms, whether it be fly-eating or nose-picking, that is your choice. But that does not make them NORMAL. You can think people are boring and no fun and even emotionally draining because they are so dull. But this does not make those people NORMAL to one another, unless they have similar norms.
Uhmm... long story short. Actions create norms which gives birth to normality in a person's life. Routine exercises in humanity that are common to an individual are NORMAL to said individual. That person is NOT "normal". And neither are you.
Sunday, March 11, 2012
thanks to the nice
I like nice people.
I like PEOPLE. I like happy. I like making people happy. I like when people make me happy. I've never felt better after waking up this morning and reading messages from those select few who actually take a minute or two to read this little blog. Thanks guys. :) You made me smile fo sho, unslumped in an instant.
It's nice to know people care.
And trust me when I say that there WILL ALWAYS BE someone who does. I know this for a fact and would state it in ink. You will not win the argument that "no one cares". Because guess what? I care.
... not in a westjet way
Sometimes you get disconnected from life, and you float around, like I did yesterday. But I feel so grounded today you could make a hamburger out of me. Only I mean grounded as in I have my two feet on the ground. I feel rooted.
I have been told that life is all about yourself, and making yourself happy. I have also heard that life is about relationships (not necessarily romantic). I believe it's a bit of both and everything else, ultimately probably circling back to the first.
But you can not be happy on your own. Friends are good things, good people are even better. Hanging around and talking to, drinking tea with, jumping on a trampoline with, going to the movie with, "genuinely wonderful" people, is what is going to keep you happy.
I have never been good at getting close with people. I don't like to feel vulnerable because I don't like to be hurt. But I LOVE people. I love them. All. Even the ones who hate me. I love them too. Maybe I should grow my hair out and wear long skirts smoke weed and say "peace and love" every forty seconds.
But to be honest, I don't think that I think that ridiculously.
My boyfriend tells me that I don't necessarily think reasonably, but says I do think logically.
Why not look at life with a positive atitude, why not love everyone, presume the half-full?
You might say, because it's unrealistic.
But if you want to tell me that, and you want me to think "reasonably" and "correctly" because that is the right way to think, I'll say you're wrong. And you'll say I'm wrong. And you know what? No one gives a shit. Seriously, and that's the best news you can get.
Life is short. and we all want to DO something, we want to CHANGE something, we want to START something, or we want to FINISH something else. But the truth is, it doesn't matter what you do because in the end we all end up in the ground. I don't mean this in a "nothing is worth while" sort of way. What I mean is that what is worthwhile to you may be worthless to someone else, and that is OKAY. If playing music is your passion, if dancing sets your soul on fire then you better play, and you better dance. There is no shame in doing what you want, in indulging in what you love.
You don't owe anybody anything, except everything you have to give.
We have to do what makes us happy. That sounds so terrible in a bad movie sort of way. But I mean it. But choosing what makes you happiEST can be oh so very hard. Approach every decision with the mindset that decisions are final and the knowledge that you can always change your mind.
Confused?
If we think about decisions with the mindset that no matter what, we can choose again, then we are going to be more likely to choose again rather than stick with numero uno. But in order to make good decisions, you should be able to say yes knowing that you've said yes. (yes period)
But know that things can always change.
here:
0----------5----------10
If every decision was black or white and black was 0 and white was 10, I'd be a five every single time. I pro and con the bananas out of any monkey.
Big decisions are hard. For example: choosing what school to send your acceptance letter to. You can pro and con all you want, but you can't have gray, you have to choose black or white. You HAVE to. No one can choose for you.
Part of me wishes I hadn't applied to numero 2 school so I wouldn't have to make a choice about whether or not to attend numero 1. Process of elimination from one choosing one choice to choose from.
My actual life lesson today: instead of frowning at the little things, about the details that bother you, about the trivial and the simple. Instead of frowning: smile. Don't be bothered, just laugh. You are you helping by being grumpy? No one. Every minute you pout you lose one minute of possible happy bliss.
And-
Be genuinely wonderful, because guess what? People notice.
I like PEOPLE. I like happy. I like making people happy. I like when people make me happy. I've never felt better after waking up this morning and reading messages from those select few who actually take a minute or two to read this little blog. Thanks guys. :) You made me smile fo sho, unslumped in an instant.
It's nice to know people care.
And trust me when I say that there WILL ALWAYS BE someone who does. I know this for a fact and would state it in ink. You will not win the argument that "no one cares". Because guess what? I care.
... not in a westjet way
Sometimes you get disconnected from life, and you float around, like I did yesterday. But I feel so grounded today you could make a hamburger out of me. Only I mean grounded as in I have my two feet on the ground. I feel rooted.
I have been told that life is all about yourself, and making yourself happy. I have also heard that life is about relationships (not necessarily romantic). I believe it's a bit of both and everything else, ultimately probably circling back to the first.
But you can not be happy on your own. Friends are good things, good people are even better. Hanging around and talking to, drinking tea with, jumping on a trampoline with, going to the movie with, "genuinely wonderful" people, is what is going to keep you happy.
I have never been good at getting close with people. I don't like to feel vulnerable because I don't like to be hurt. But I LOVE people. I love them. All. Even the ones who hate me. I love them too. Maybe I should grow my hair out and wear long skirts smoke weed and say "peace and love" every forty seconds.
But to be honest, I don't think that I think that ridiculously.
My boyfriend tells me that I don't necessarily think reasonably, but says I do think logically.
Why not look at life with a positive atitude, why not love everyone, presume the half-full?
You might say, because it's unrealistic.
But if you want to tell me that, and you want me to think "reasonably" and "correctly" because that is the right way to think, I'll say you're wrong. And you'll say I'm wrong. And you know what? No one gives a shit. Seriously, and that's the best news you can get.
Life is short. and we all want to DO something, we want to CHANGE something, we want to START something, or we want to FINISH something else. But the truth is, it doesn't matter what you do because in the end we all end up in the ground. I don't mean this in a "nothing is worth while" sort of way. What I mean is that what is worthwhile to you may be worthless to someone else, and that is OKAY. If playing music is your passion, if dancing sets your soul on fire then you better play, and you better dance. There is no shame in doing what you want, in indulging in what you love.
You don't owe anybody anything, except everything you have to give.
We have to do what makes us happy. That sounds so terrible in a bad movie sort of way. But I mean it. But choosing what makes you happiEST can be oh so very hard. Approach every decision with the mindset that decisions are final and the knowledge that you can always change your mind.
Confused?
If we think about decisions with the mindset that no matter what, we can choose again, then we are going to be more likely to choose again rather than stick with numero uno. But in order to make good decisions, you should be able to say yes knowing that you've said yes. (yes period)
But know that things can always change.
here:
0----------5----------10
If every decision was black or white and black was 0 and white was 10, I'd be a five every single time. I pro and con the bananas out of any monkey.
Big decisions are hard. For example: choosing what school to send your acceptance letter to. You can pro and con all you want, but you can't have gray, you have to choose black or white. You HAVE to. No one can choose for you.
Part of me wishes I hadn't applied to numero 2 school so I wouldn't have to make a choice about whether or not to attend numero 1. Process of elimination from one choosing one choice to choose from.
My actual life lesson today: instead of frowning at the little things, about the details that bother you, about the trivial and the simple. Instead of frowning: smile. Don't be bothered, just laugh. You are you helping by being grumpy? No one. Every minute you pout you lose one minute of possible happy bliss.
And-
Be genuinely wonderful, because guess what? People notice.
Saturday, March 10, 2012
a little sad, mostly sorry
Sometimes I have to read my own blog when I've had a bad day to make myself stop wallowing. I miss my boyfriend, boo. He'll be better soon.
Today I'm thinking a lot about people, I have been for a while now. Aren't people strange? I don't "hate" anyone, I really don't, some people annoy me, but I don't find anyone completely impossible to tolerable. Because I think "hating" people is unjustified. We shouldn't be able to "hate".
You know what I DO hate? Tough times and being forced to keep your mouth shut. That's rough.
I've been feeling sort of recycled lately. Like I'm the same old stuff, but different. I keep being put through machines that turn me into new things. I wake up and I'm a journalist, I go to sleep and I'm a teacher, then I dream about making movies.
To be honest I'm feeling quite lost. In an awkward... I really have no idea what is going on way. I'm floating, but not being robotic. I'm not in a routine, I'm just sort of dreaming life. I want to shake it off but it's really hard when what keeps you solid suddenly crumbles.
I got my hair cut, that's exciting.
I feel... inappropriate. Like I'm the triangle peg trying to fit into the circle hole. It's not that I want to conform, not that I want to change to fit, I'm just tired of having so much trouble resting. Maybe it's my city, maybe it's what's up, or maybe it's just my brain.
I'm bummed out. Worn down. Like... a dirty dishrag. Ready to be tossed.
Also, I have no idea what time it is? I'm in Florida but there was a daylight savings time switcharoo and I'm so confused. haha
Suggestions: If you find yourself in a similar slump take note that "unslumping yourself is not easily done" (that's dr. seuss) but it is necessary that you do it. Instead of dwelling, move on. Do something. Staying in a slump is as useless as serving sour milk at a dinner party. No one wants to be around you if you are in a slump. So suck it up. I know life is hard, but it doesn't matter what happens to us, it's all about how we react to it right?
There are two people in particular who I want to apologize to. Both who probably won't see this and even if they do, they won't do anything about it. I guess a lesson we all have to learn is that you really can't please everyone, and you can't keep everyone around. Well, at least I can't.
1st. I want to apologize to the person who listened to me read "Oh the Places You'll Go" and liked it just as much as I did. I miss you, and I want to be able to talk to you again. You understand how I float and dream in waking life, and I miss being able to float around with you. It scares me how much sense you make. I'm really sorry. Maybe one day we can talk again.
2nd. You're the first person who asked me to be their girlfriend, and I told you to drive me home. Thanks for driving me home. Thanks for picking me up. Thanks for letting me be upset, then comforting me and just the right time that last drive. I miss you too. But I think everyone knows you're one of those people who it's best for me to just stay away from. I hate you so much (haha). But in the best ways. You're pretty sweet for such a douchebag. lol just kidding about the douchebag part... Thanks for the flowers at my play. Thanks for the blanket. I'm sorry. Maybe one day we can talk again.
and actually 3rd...
To all my friends. I'm sorry that somehow real-life communication is somehow excruciatingly difficult for me. Writing is just so much more natural. I know this sucks. Thanks for putting up with me. I hope we still talk.
Today I'm thinking a lot about people, I have been for a while now. Aren't people strange? I don't "hate" anyone, I really don't, some people annoy me, but I don't find anyone completely impossible to tolerable. Because I think "hating" people is unjustified. We shouldn't be able to "hate".
You know what I DO hate? Tough times and being forced to keep your mouth shut. That's rough.
I've been feeling sort of recycled lately. Like I'm the same old stuff, but different. I keep being put through machines that turn me into new things. I wake up and I'm a journalist, I go to sleep and I'm a teacher, then I dream about making movies.
To be honest I'm feeling quite lost. In an awkward... I really have no idea what is going on way. I'm floating, but not being robotic. I'm not in a routine, I'm just sort of dreaming life. I want to shake it off but it's really hard when what keeps you solid suddenly crumbles.
I got my hair cut, that's exciting.
I feel... inappropriate. Like I'm the triangle peg trying to fit into the circle hole. It's not that I want to conform, not that I want to change to fit, I'm just tired of having so much trouble resting. Maybe it's my city, maybe it's what's up, or maybe it's just my brain.
I'm bummed out. Worn down. Like... a dirty dishrag. Ready to be tossed.
Also, I have no idea what time it is? I'm in Florida but there was a daylight savings time switcharoo and I'm so confused. haha
Suggestions: If you find yourself in a similar slump take note that "unslumping yourself is not easily done" (that's dr. seuss) but it is necessary that you do it. Instead of dwelling, move on. Do something. Staying in a slump is as useless as serving sour milk at a dinner party. No one wants to be around you if you are in a slump. So suck it up. I know life is hard, but it doesn't matter what happens to us, it's all about how we react to it right?
There are two people in particular who I want to apologize to. Both who probably won't see this and even if they do, they won't do anything about it. I guess a lesson we all have to learn is that you really can't please everyone, and you can't keep everyone around. Well, at least I can't.
1st. I want to apologize to the person who listened to me read "Oh the Places You'll Go" and liked it just as much as I did. I miss you, and I want to be able to talk to you again. You understand how I float and dream in waking life, and I miss being able to float around with you. It scares me how much sense you make. I'm really sorry. Maybe one day we can talk again.
2nd. You're the first person who asked me to be their girlfriend, and I told you to drive me home. Thanks for driving me home. Thanks for picking me up. Thanks for letting me be upset, then comforting me and just the right time that last drive. I miss you too. But I think everyone knows you're one of those people who it's best for me to just stay away from. I hate you so much (haha). But in the best ways. You're pretty sweet for such a douchebag. lol just kidding about the douchebag part... Thanks for the flowers at my play. Thanks for the blanket. I'm sorry. Maybe one day we can talk again.
and actually 3rd...
To all my friends. I'm sorry that somehow real-life communication is somehow excruciatingly difficult for me. Writing is just so much more natural. I know this sucks. Thanks for putting up with me. I hope we still talk.
Friday, February 24, 2012
I forget how to blog
I find myself becoming more and more critical of my own words as I imagine people I don't know reading them. My hesitation to submit is frustrating both you and me. How am I going to ever be a journalist if I choke up everytime I think about a stranger judging something of mine? Writing is so personal to me. Letting my writing be read, letting my words be heard is like standing naked in the middle of a high school cafeteria. Or maybe I'm just lazy.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Call it Quits
Call it quits, no one cares.
Park in no-zones; pay the fares.
Eat so much you swallow air.
Drink a coffee, have a tea.
Chug your spirit.
Don’t lean on me.
Do your homework, read the books.
Sink your love in like a hook.
But don’t touch me.
Park in no-zones; pay the fares.
Eat so much you swallow air.
Drink a coffee, have a tea.
Chug your spirit.
Don’t lean on me.
Do your homework, read the books.
Sink your love in like a hook.
But don’t touch me.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)