One step at a time.... or two

I keep a journal, and I make an effort to write everyday. This morning (around 3am, I'm severely jet lagged and have been awake for.... too many hours to count) while I was filtering through my word documents I found this one. It was saved as "me". I wrote it sometime in September 09. I think this is the very best description of myself I've ever come up with. When I talk with people (not to) they sometimes strike a nerve, which isn't difficult because as a recorder of life ( / writer) I'm naturally a very nervous person. Anyways, there are a couple people in my life, a select few, who I enjoy participating in verbal battles. I don't remember the context in which I spewed this dissection, but I remember who it was to.

Me:

I’m like, well… the very core essence of my being, is like a coiled spring, or mass compressed ball of untamable energy. And, as a human, I can't show anyone my insides… obviously, But everyday I live with them inside me and they are scratching and tickling the inside layers of my skin trying to get out, but that’s not humanly acceptable right? Who would talk to someone with springs coming out their ears and fire hot energy bursting out of every pore? So I have to find outlets, to secretly uncoil the spring and release the energy, to give my skin a rest, you know? It’s tough holding all that inside of one little person. So I found writing, but I stopped writing for other people and started writing only for myself, so I had to take a break from that, then, dance, but it’s hard to get noticed, and, maybe I forgot to mention this, but this energy ball, the only way its satisfied is with other peoples satisfaction, so I have to please myself so I stay sane but I have to be satisfying someone else’s needs at the same time. So, you know? It’s straining.