naive. curious. surprisingly profound?

The issue isn't necessarily directly YOU. It's just that fluffy cloud of irresistible-ness that oozes out of every word you say, and every action you take. It's not your fault, but it's not really my fault either, is it?

Anyways.

What's new in my life? Early last week (it's been a while, I know, but exams are right around the corner of this calendar week and it's been taking a toll on my witty fingers. ha.) anyways, early last week I had a bit of a break down thinking about the rest of my life. I was thinking about France (the exchange I'm going on next year) and how it was going to mess with my schedule. I had to sudden need to know what the game plan was for the next few years. (roughly) So I peaced out of first period and booked an appointment with student services. (well actually I was first told to go back to class because you're not allowed to make appointments during class time, but I went back between first and second)

So, pretty much, I've decided the first attempt at post secondary school is going to be Ryerson university. I'll get my undergrad there (four years in film study) and then head to UCLA of theater film and television. I'll do the graduate program and get a masters degree in production and directing.

I think that it is important, as I've stated before, to not forget about the present but simultaneously not ignoring the future. I realize I change my mind a lot. People tell me every day that I should stop trying to plan for the future. Why would I not take every opportunity to prepare myself?

When bad things happen, or ANYthings happen for that matter, don't tell yourself that you won't remember they way it made you feel tomorrow. That sounded confusing. Okay, has anyone ever told you "it's not the end of the world?" or "it's not like this will matter ten years from now, or even tomorrow" ? When something happens to you, and you FEEL like it's the end of the world, it is. Right there, in that moment, something inside of you has crumbled into a pile of irrevocable rubble. (I'm not sure I technically used 'irrevocable' correctly in that sentence. but deal with it)

You have to learn to face matters full and head on. If you always think about not feeling anything in the future, eventually you will no doubt completely desensitize yourself from feeling anything in the present. That means not only would you be numb to any pain, but you always wouldn't be able to LAUGH! How awful would that be?

If you're sad, cry. If you're happy, smile. If you're angry, scream into your pillow. If you're lonely, surround yourself with people who love you. Do NOT wait for tomorrow to come and make you feel better. Eventually, there isn't going to be a tomorrow to suffer through today for. So don't make today a waste of waiting for tomorrow!

Gah. Trust me. Letting things brew in the frosty air of things you should do or say or explain is not the way to go. Don't fear the answers you don't want. Seek honesty.

Let yourself FEEL.