I used to think everybody had a purpose, and everyone had one thing they needed most. My best friend needed to be loved, I needed to be listened to. I realize now maybe that's why we were so close, still are. Her purpose was to listen, and mine was to love.
Everybody needs to be loved. Everybody wants and and everybody wants to be wanted, it's true. It's nice to know you're needed. So we all should express our need for each other, appreciate it. Say thanks.
It would be selfish of us to ignore this need to want and be wanted.
What does it mean to be selfish?
Like "normal", selfishness incorporates many a idea into one word.
Selfishness is a word many people are afraid of. Nobody wants to be selfish, some people say others "are" selfish. It is an insult, like "normal". But I think everybody is a little bit selfish, and I think it's a good thing.
Selfishness is when you put yourself first, above all else and others. A selfish person is "concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself : seeking or concentrating on one's own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others." Or, simply, making yourself number one.
According to most this is not ideal, in fact, it's a little bit disgusting. But who in their right mind would want to raise a world too shy, too ashamed to ever feel like it is number one?
Shouldn't we be proud of ourselves? Shouldn't we take time for ourselves? Shouldn't we relax and indulge and forget, even just for a little while?
The opposite of selfish would be selfless: "having no concern for self," and that just sounds terrible. If you think that you can live your life "having no concern for self," I think you're lying to yourself.
What is self? Self is important, it's you. Your Self is your happiness, your wellbeing, your health. Self holds your dreams and secrets and ideas. You don't need to be afraid of selfishness. You just need to learn how to tame it.
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/selfish
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/selfless
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Authority.
I understand process, I do. I would even say I respect it. I know that process is necessary. It sucks, but it's how things work.
However, I do not respect so called figures of authority who assume that because they are in a place of "power" that they are a) smarter b) superior c) all around better d) all of the above than anyone who speaks to them.
My initial reaction is frustration when I encounter such a person. I want to swear and throw things and bite these people because I think they are WRONG and I think they are DUMB and BLIND because how could they POSSIBLY THINK that the way they live makes sense?
But that is immature. True leaders are those who can contain frustration, deal with it. I'm working on it.
Rule books are written in place of common sense and rule books are written so that people in spite of other people can get the first person in trouble. Rule books are written because without process, without organization there would be chaos.
There is also something, unfamiliar I'm afraid (to some), called common sense.
Scenario 1.
Sally Brown plays baseball for fun after school with her peers at Realistic High School. The school baseball team gets to help plan the big end of the year baseball final game which EVERYONE gets excited about. In order to raise money for this big end of the year game, the baseball coach decides that selling specialized baseball bats to the students will be a good idea. The baseball team agrees and they throw around a few ideas for logos. Two of which were, BASEBALL 101 and BASEBALL AT REALISTIC HIGH SCHOOL IS THE BESTEST SO COOL BASEBALL TEAM YA WOOOT!. Sally Brown is SO excited about selling these special baseball bats that she goes around to her classmates and plays up the longer, more excited logo for the baseball bat. Not in spite of BASEBALL 101, simply because her own personal bias lies with the longer... cooler phrase. Now, one day Sally Brown had a doctor's appointment after school, or maybe a special meeting to go, or honestly maybe she just forgot, but she missed baseball practice. At this particular baseball practice the baseball team voted on which logo to plaster on the baseball bats, BASEBALL 101 won. Sally missed a few baseball practices after that, she decided that maybe she played too many other sports and maybe just couldn't commit to baseball. A few weeks later Sally noticed the baseball bats for sale at lunch. The baseball bats with BASEBALL 101 on them. Sally was a little disappointed because she was, along with several of her peers (a few of which didn't even PLAY baseball) really excited for the bats that said BASEBALL AT REALISTIC HIGH SCHOOL IS THE BESTEST SO COOL BASEBALL TEAM YA WOOOT. But no worries, Sally Brown decided she would go talk to the coach. Sally found the baseball coach and greeted her sweetly and simply inquired about the BASEBALL 101 bats. She understood that the orders were already being made for the bats and that the team had worked together to choose a logo so she suggested to take the initiative to create the YA WOOT COOL bats on her own, sell them, and give all profits to the baseball team for the end of the year game. The coach got very angry with Sally and punched her straight in the face. hahaha just kidding. But the coach did get mad. She seemed offended and angrily announced she would have NO PART in any YA WOOT COOL bats that would be created. And the baseball team WOULD NOT accept any of the money made off the profit. Sally brought up the point that she had already spoken to many who were excited about the YA WOOT COOL bats. The coach told her that if the students did not have the initiative to play baseball and come to practice to vote, they did not have a right to what went on the bats.
Sally was confused. She would have supported the coach's decision if the baseball team had been making bats for the TEAM. Because, then she would have been making sense! Of course the whole school doesn't need to vote on what bats the baseball team uses. But the baseball bats that were being made weren't JUST for the baseball team. No, they weren't. They were for the WHOLE SCHOOL. So why shouldn't the WHOLE SCHOOL have a say in what goes on them? Without having to play on the baseball team? Surely having the whole school on the baseball team is unrealistic. No one would ever get to play.
(This story is going somewhere, I promise)
So Sally decides to make the bats and sell them at cost so no profit is made and the students excited about the YA COOL WOOT bats could have one if they really wanted. She went to see the... Ruler of the school to make sure it was okay to have Realistic High School printed on the bats, out of respect for the process and procedure schools are so heavily dependant on. (With good reason)
Sally Brown told her story and explained the situation and the Ruler said she didn't see an issue with Sally's bats except she should probably talk to the baseball coach before she went and got them made. Sally urged the Ruler to not do so as she knew it would only upset the coach, and that is not what she wanted. She just wanted to make her peers happy.
At the same time as this, Realistic High School was planning a school sock hop open to the whole city, just like the one they had last year. Sally just happened to be head-planner for the sock hop. Since the Ruler decided she was not comfortable with a free for all city wide sock hop (which it wasn't, by the way, you would have needed your student card), Sally proposed increasing the number of official sign-ins for the sock hop from 2 to 5, so every student at Realistic High School could sign in 5 students who live in the city who attend other high schools. The Ruler said she could not approve have unlimited sign ins. Sally made the point that the number 5 is not unlimited. In fact, the number 5 is still quite a restriction on the free if you have a student card sock hop they had planned last year.
The Ruler was angry and told Sally she didn't appreciate her "attitude" and what was with this "attitude" coming from students and coaches lately. Why were they all "in [her] face"? She "doesn't appreciate it". "Oh, and by the way, Sally, you're not going to get approval for those little bats you made. I spoke to the coach."
Sally said "thank you" and promptly left the office and dropped a burning match into the prettiest plastic plant on her way out. She was livid.
Because WHAT JUST HAPPENED? Did the Ruler just complain about being approached? HA! HELLOOOO!!!! Leaders are supposed to lead, not complain about company "being in their face". The Ruler also questioned why it always seemed to be Sally coming into her office. Sally could have, should have, (but take note that she DID NOT reply) with the fact that she tries hard to be a LEADER in her school to be an ADVOCATE for those who don't have the time or don't have the nerves or don't have the words to approach the Ruler. Students can trust Sally Brown, and students do. For if students at Realistic High School did not trust Sally Brown, Sally Brown would not be in the Ruler's office ADVOCATING for her peers.
And the Ruler wonders where all this "Attitude" is coming from. "What's with all this attitude toward Rulers?". That is a quote. There is a flaw. For couldn't Sally have replied, "what's with all this attitude toward Sally Browns?" Why does being a Ruler give her the excuse to belittle Sally Brown? hmmmm?
The Ruler is in a position of power. She is supposed to be a leader within the school. Yet the Ruler is overwhelmed by the amount of requests, the amount of trust and even the amount of respect that coaches and students and Sally Browns have for her. Because it was not out of selfish reasons Sally asked permission to make the extra bats or have the extra sign ins. Sally was doing it for her peers. The Ruler can't handle being depended on, yet is infuriated with attitude.
The truth is you have earn respect.
I know this is long and I apologize and I'm probably going to get in trouble for writing it because most people who read it are going to make the connections between me and Sally Brown and baseball and grad committee and the ruler and Westgate's principal. And if you haven't, now you have.
Some battles just aren't worth fighting. Which is why I returned, well am in the process of returning all the t-shirt money I collected. I'm done now, it's over. THEY win. And honestly, if they will sleep better at night knowing they've squashed my pipe dream of making cool grad shirts, then I guess good on them. But honestly, I think it is wrong. Please tell me what I did wrong. Please.
I could have gone and made the t shirts and not told anybody. But out of RESPECT for my school I asked for permission. I was accused of having attitude when asking for a compromise. I feel unimportant and undervalued. I'm trying to do something for my school and the Ruler can't even give me a good reason why she doesn't want me to.
I hate it.
I don't want the world to work like that.
It seems unfair to me. I know the Ruler is afraid of having drunk kids show up to the sock hop. But honestly, kick them out if they are intoxicated. Or make everyone take a breath test before they come in. I don't know. Why say okay one year, have no problems and say no the next year. Why are people so afraid to look bad.
There is no shame in making mistakes.
I know I have a tiny bit of a huge attitude. But I don't think I'm totally unreasonable. I do try and hold my tongue and I don't punch people or set things on fire even though I want to. I'm a little fed up though. I'm sorry to some of my sac who I seemed a little bit crazy to today. I just want things to work for you after all the hard work you've all done.
There was something written called the Paradoxical commandments. By Dr. Kent M. Keith and they are sort of rules that I live by. For example: If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives do good anyway.
I'll post them all in a post after this one. Read them. Think about them.
I'm rambling, sorry. All over the place.
Gandhi said "Be the change you wish to see in the world"
I say, "Sir, I'm trying"
And I guess the life lesson today is to just keep trying guys, just. keep. trying. And don't be frustrated, it's okay. Some Rulers shouldn't be rulers. "The biggest men and woman with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds. Think big anyway"
Life isn't going to go how you want it to, or even how you think it should. But you can't stop trying to be that change you want to see. You have to do good anyway and you must not forget to think big anyway.
I'm not going to make grad t shirts for the Westgate class of 2012.
But if you've think you've seen the last of Sally Brown, you've got another thing coming.
However, I do not respect so called figures of authority who assume that because they are in a place of "power" that they are a) smarter b) superior c) all around better d) all of the above than anyone who speaks to them.
My initial reaction is frustration when I encounter such a person. I want to swear and throw things and bite these people because I think they are WRONG and I think they are DUMB and BLIND because how could they POSSIBLY THINK that the way they live makes sense?
But that is immature. True leaders are those who can contain frustration, deal with it. I'm working on it.
Rule books are written in place of common sense and rule books are written so that people in spite of other people can get the first person in trouble. Rule books are written because without process, without organization there would be chaos.
There is also something, unfamiliar I'm afraid (to some), called common sense.
Scenario 1.
Sally Brown plays baseball for fun after school with her peers at Realistic High School. The school baseball team gets to help plan the big end of the year baseball final game which EVERYONE gets excited about. In order to raise money for this big end of the year game, the baseball coach decides that selling specialized baseball bats to the students will be a good idea. The baseball team agrees and they throw around a few ideas for logos. Two of which were, BASEBALL 101 and BASEBALL AT REALISTIC HIGH SCHOOL IS THE BESTEST SO COOL BASEBALL TEAM YA WOOOT!. Sally Brown is SO excited about selling these special baseball bats that she goes around to her classmates and plays up the longer, more excited logo for the baseball bat. Not in spite of BASEBALL 101, simply because her own personal bias lies with the longer... cooler phrase. Now, one day Sally Brown had a doctor's appointment after school, or maybe a special meeting to go, or honestly maybe she just forgot, but she missed baseball practice. At this particular baseball practice the baseball team voted on which logo to plaster on the baseball bats, BASEBALL 101 won. Sally missed a few baseball practices after that, she decided that maybe she played too many other sports and maybe just couldn't commit to baseball. A few weeks later Sally noticed the baseball bats for sale at lunch. The baseball bats with BASEBALL 101 on them. Sally was a little disappointed because she was, along with several of her peers (a few of which didn't even PLAY baseball) really excited for the bats that said BASEBALL AT REALISTIC HIGH SCHOOL IS THE BESTEST SO COOL BASEBALL TEAM YA WOOOT. But no worries, Sally Brown decided she would go talk to the coach. Sally found the baseball coach and greeted her sweetly and simply inquired about the BASEBALL 101 bats. She understood that the orders were already being made for the bats and that the team had worked together to choose a logo so she suggested to take the initiative to create the YA WOOT COOL bats on her own, sell them, and give all profits to the baseball team for the end of the year game. The coach got very angry with Sally and punched her straight in the face. hahaha just kidding. But the coach did get mad. She seemed offended and angrily announced she would have NO PART in any YA WOOT COOL bats that would be created. And the baseball team WOULD NOT accept any of the money made off the profit. Sally brought up the point that she had already spoken to many who were excited about the YA WOOT COOL bats. The coach told her that if the students did not have the initiative to play baseball and come to practice to vote, they did not have a right to what went on the bats.
Sally was confused. She would have supported the coach's decision if the baseball team had been making bats for the TEAM. Because, then she would have been making sense! Of course the whole school doesn't need to vote on what bats the baseball team uses. But the baseball bats that were being made weren't JUST for the baseball team. No, they weren't. They were for the WHOLE SCHOOL. So why shouldn't the WHOLE SCHOOL have a say in what goes on them? Without having to play on the baseball team? Surely having the whole school on the baseball team is unrealistic. No one would ever get to play.
(This story is going somewhere, I promise)
So Sally decides to make the bats and sell them at cost so no profit is made and the students excited about the YA COOL WOOT bats could have one if they really wanted. She went to see the... Ruler of the school to make sure it was okay to have Realistic High School printed on the bats, out of respect for the process and procedure schools are so heavily dependant on. (With good reason)
Sally Brown told her story and explained the situation and the Ruler said she didn't see an issue with Sally's bats except she should probably talk to the baseball coach before she went and got them made. Sally urged the Ruler to not do so as she knew it would only upset the coach, and that is not what she wanted. She just wanted to make her peers happy.
At the same time as this, Realistic High School was planning a school sock hop open to the whole city, just like the one they had last year. Sally just happened to be head-planner for the sock hop. Since the Ruler decided she was not comfortable with a free for all city wide sock hop (which it wasn't, by the way, you would have needed your student card), Sally proposed increasing the number of official sign-ins for the sock hop from 2 to 5, so every student at Realistic High School could sign in 5 students who live in the city who attend other high schools. The Ruler said she could not approve have unlimited sign ins. Sally made the point that the number 5 is not unlimited. In fact, the number 5 is still quite a restriction on the free if you have a student card sock hop they had planned last year.
The Ruler was angry and told Sally she didn't appreciate her "attitude" and what was with this "attitude" coming from students and coaches lately. Why were they all "in [her] face"? She "doesn't appreciate it". "Oh, and by the way, Sally, you're not going to get approval for those little bats you made. I spoke to the coach."
Sally said "thank you" and promptly left the office and dropped a burning match into the prettiest plastic plant on her way out. She was livid.
Because WHAT JUST HAPPENED? Did the Ruler just complain about being approached? HA! HELLOOOO!!!! Leaders are supposed to lead, not complain about company "being in their face". The Ruler also questioned why it always seemed to be Sally coming into her office. Sally could have, should have, (but take note that she DID NOT reply) with the fact that she tries hard to be a LEADER in her school to be an ADVOCATE for those who don't have the time or don't have the nerves or don't have the words to approach the Ruler. Students can trust Sally Brown, and students do. For if students at Realistic High School did not trust Sally Brown, Sally Brown would not be in the Ruler's office ADVOCATING for her peers.
And the Ruler wonders where all this "Attitude" is coming from. "What's with all this attitude toward Rulers?". That is a quote. There is a flaw. For couldn't Sally have replied, "what's with all this attitude toward Sally Browns?" Why does being a Ruler give her the excuse to belittle Sally Brown? hmmmm?
The Ruler is in a position of power. She is supposed to be a leader within the school. Yet the Ruler is overwhelmed by the amount of requests, the amount of trust and even the amount of respect that coaches and students and Sally Browns have for her. Because it was not out of selfish reasons Sally asked permission to make the extra bats or have the extra sign ins. Sally was doing it for her peers. The Ruler can't handle being depended on, yet is infuriated with attitude.
The truth is you have earn respect.
I know this is long and I apologize and I'm probably going to get in trouble for writing it because most people who read it are going to make the connections between me and Sally Brown and baseball and grad committee and the ruler and Westgate's principal. And if you haven't, now you have.
Some battles just aren't worth fighting. Which is why I returned, well am in the process of returning all the t-shirt money I collected. I'm done now, it's over. THEY win. And honestly, if they will sleep better at night knowing they've squashed my pipe dream of making cool grad shirts, then I guess good on them. But honestly, I think it is wrong. Please tell me what I did wrong. Please.
I could have gone and made the t shirts and not told anybody. But out of RESPECT for my school I asked for permission. I was accused of having attitude when asking for a compromise. I feel unimportant and undervalued. I'm trying to do something for my school and the Ruler can't even give me a good reason why she doesn't want me to.
I hate it.
I don't want the world to work like that.
It seems unfair to me. I know the Ruler is afraid of having drunk kids show up to the sock hop. But honestly, kick them out if they are intoxicated. Or make everyone take a breath test before they come in. I don't know. Why say okay one year, have no problems and say no the next year. Why are people so afraid to look bad.
There is no shame in making mistakes.
I know I have a tiny bit of a huge attitude. But I don't think I'm totally unreasonable. I do try and hold my tongue and I don't punch people or set things on fire even though I want to. I'm a little fed up though. I'm sorry to some of my sac who I seemed a little bit crazy to today. I just want things to work for you after all the hard work you've all done.
There was something written called the Paradoxical commandments. By Dr. Kent M. Keith and they are sort of rules that I live by. For example: If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives do good anyway.
I'll post them all in a post after this one. Read them. Think about them.
I'm rambling, sorry. All over the place.
Gandhi said "Be the change you wish to see in the world"
I say, "Sir, I'm trying"
And I guess the life lesson today is to just keep trying guys, just. keep. trying. And don't be frustrated, it's okay. Some Rulers shouldn't be rulers. "The biggest men and woman with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds. Think big anyway"
Life isn't going to go how you want it to, or even how you think it should. But you can't stop trying to be that change you want to see. You have to do good anyway and you must not forget to think big anyway.
I'm not going to make grad t shirts for the Westgate class of 2012.
But if you've think you've seen the last of Sally Brown, you've got another thing coming.
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Normal
I think the word "normal" is missused. "Normal" means something different to everyone. Everyone has their own "normal". It is "normal" for me to brush and floss my teeth twice a day. Yet somehow "normal" has this obscure negative connotation. Like I'm spposed to think that if I think you are "normal", I think you are boring, insignificant. And I don't like you.
But that's not true.
I don't think brushing my teeth is a bad thing, it's not insignificant and I actually enjoy the simple task, especially if I have my favourite toothpaste.
So why are "normal" actions different from "normal" people? NOBODY IS NORMAL. People use this blanket term to cover up everyone who is DIFFERENT than themselves. Some people wake up and don't brush their teeth, I wake up and do. That's a choice person x and I have chosen to make. I don't hate person x because they don't brush their teeth. (I just think they are smelly because morning breath permeates even the strongest of breath mints).
I know that people think pretty people are "normal". If you spend time on your appearance then you must have no substance underneath your pretty eye make-up on your pretty eyes. LIES
I wish I could ERASE the word normal from everyone's vocabulary. I think everybody is complicated and I believe that normal has become an insult. Which it shouldn't be.
You are not being NORMAL by imitating someone's choices. You are adopting their NORMS. Things that are NORMAL to them. THIS DOES NOT MAKE YOU NORMAL. Normal is not something you can achieve, or be insulted with.
Nobody is normal. So stop insulting people with nothing. Go ahead and disagree with their NORMS, but don't say you don't like them because they are normal. That is such a broad statement. Suddenly everyone who is disliked by another is labelled as NORMAL or NOT NORMAL. When we are really talking about NORMS.
Does this make sense?
People need to be more specific. "He's too... normal" is a ridiculous thing to say. Maybe he is average. Maybe you do not appreciate the things that are normal to him. This does not make him normal. It just doesn't. Normal doesn't mean boring. Normal doesn't mean average. Normal is the composition of norms orginal to each indivudual. Calling someone normal is insulting their entire being. I don't beleive you truly hate anyone to the point where you can not find any good in them.
Now say there is a group of people who have similar NORMS. Or, some frogs. It is normal for frogs to... eat flies. But a non-fly-eating frog thinks all the fly-eating frogs are "too normal". Too stereotypically froggy. I will sleep better at night if the non-fly-eating frog would skip the vague comment about normality and dive straight in to the fact that she does not agree with frog norms, what is normal to those fly-eating frogs.
Normality is something personal that is comprised of your norms. People with similar norms tend to stick together. If you do not agree or appreciate someone's norms, whether it be fly-eating or nose-picking, that is your choice. But that does not make them NORMAL. You can think people are boring and no fun and even emotionally draining because they are so dull. But this does not make those people NORMAL to one another, unless they have similar norms.
Uhmm... long story short. Actions create norms which gives birth to normality in a person's life. Routine exercises in humanity that are common to an individual are NORMAL to said individual. That person is NOT "normal". And neither are you.
But that's not true.
I don't think brushing my teeth is a bad thing, it's not insignificant and I actually enjoy the simple task, especially if I have my favourite toothpaste.
So why are "normal" actions different from "normal" people? NOBODY IS NORMAL. People use this blanket term to cover up everyone who is DIFFERENT than themselves. Some people wake up and don't brush their teeth, I wake up and do. That's a choice person x and I have chosen to make. I don't hate person x because they don't brush their teeth. (I just think they are smelly because morning breath permeates even the strongest of breath mints).
I know that people think pretty people are "normal". If you spend time on your appearance then you must have no substance underneath your pretty eye make-up on your pretty eyes. LIES
I wish I could ERASE the word normal from everyone's vocabulary. I think everybody is complicated and I believe that normal has become an insult. Which it shouldn't be.
You are not being NORMAL by imitating someone's choices. You are adopting their NORMS. Things that are NORMAL to them. THIS DOES NOT MAKE YOU NORMAL. Normal is not something you can achieve, or be insulted with.
Nobody is normal. So stop insulting people with nothing. Go ahead and disagree with their NORMS, but don't say you don't like them because they are normal. That is such a broad statement. Suddenly everyone who is disliked by another is labelled as NORMAL or NOT NORMAL. When we are really talking about NORMS.
Does this make sense?
People need to be more specific. "He's too... normal" is a ridiculous thing to say. Maybe he is average. Maybe you do not appreciate the things that are normal to him. This does not make him normal. It just doesn't. Normal doesn't mean boring. Normal doesn't mean average. Normal is the composition of norms orginal to each indivudual. Calling someone normal is insulting their entire being. I don't beleive you truly hate anyone to the point where you can not find any good in them.
Now say there is a group of people who have similar NORMS. Or, some frogs. It is normal for frogs to... eat flies. But a non-fly-eating frog thinks all the fly-eating frogs are "too normal". Too stereotypically froggy. I will sleep better at night if the non-fly-eating frog would skip the vague comment about normality and dive straight in to the fact that she does not agree with frog norms, what is normal to those fly-eating frogs.
Normality is something personal that is comprised of your norms. People with similar norms tend to stick together. If you do not agree or appreciate someone's norms, whether it be fly-eating or nose-picking, that is your choice. But that does not make them NORMAL. You can think people are boring and no fun and even emotionally draining because they are so dull. But this does not make those people NORMAL to one another, unless they have similar norms.
Uhmm... long story short. Actions create norms which gives birth to normality in a person's life. Routine exercises in humanity that are common to an individual are NORMAL to said individual. That person is NOT "normal". And neither are you.
Sunday, March 11, 2012
thanks to the nice
I like nice people.
I like PEOPLE. I like happy. I like making people happy. I like when people make me happy. I've never felt better after waking up this morning and reading messages from those select few who actually take a minute or two to read this little blog. Thanks guys. :) You made me smile fo sho, unslumped in an instant.
It's nice to know people care.
And trust me when I say that there WILL ALWAYS BE someone who does. I know this for a fact and would state it in ink. You will not win the argument that "no one cares". Because guess what? I care.
... not in a westjet way
Sometimes you get disconnected from life, and you float around, like I did yesterday. But I feel so grounded today you could make a hamburger out of me. Only I mean grounded as in I have my two feet on the ground. I feel rooted.
I have been told that life is all about yourself, and making yourself happy. I have also heard that life is about relationships (not necessarily romantic). I believe it's a bit of both and everything else, ultimately probably circling back to the first.
But you can not be happy on your own. Friends are good things, good people are even better. Hanging around and talking to, drinking tea with, jumping on a trampoline with, going to the movie with, "genuinely wonderful" people, is what is going to keep you happy.
I have never been good at getting close with people. I don't like to feel vulnerable because I don't like to be hurt. But I LOVE people. I love them. All. Even the ones who hate me. I love them too. Maybe I should grow my hair out and wear long skirts smoke weed and say "peace and love" every forty seconds.
But to be honest, I don't think that I think that ridiculously.
My boyfriend tells me that I don't necessarily think reasonably, but says I do think logically.
Why not look at life with a positive atitude, why not love everyone, presume the half-full?
You might say, because it's unrealistic.
But if you want to tell me that, and you want me to think "reasonably" and "correctly" because that is the right way to think, I'll say you're wrong. And you'll say I'm wrong. And you know what? No one gives a shit. Seriously, and that's the best news you can get.
Life is short. and we all want to DO something, we want to CHANGE something, we want to START something, or we want to FINISH something else. But the truth is, it doesn't matter what you do because in the end we all end up in the ground. I don't mean this in a "nothing is worth while" sort of way. What I mean is that what is worthwhile to you may be worthless to someone else, and that is OKAY. If playing music is your passion, if dancing sets your soul on fire then you better play, and you better dance. There is no shame in doing what you want, in indulging in what you love.
You don't owe anybody anything, except everything you have to give.
We have to do what makes us happy. That sounds so terrible in a bad movie sort of way. But I mean it. But choosing what makes you happiEST can be oh so very hard. Approach every decision with the mindset that decisions are final and the knowledge that you can always change your mind.
Confused?
If we think about decisions with the mindset that no matter what, we can choose again, then we are going to be more likely to choose again rather than stick with numero uno. But in order to make good decisions, you should be able to say yes knowing that you've said yes. (yes period)
But know that things can always change.
here:
0----------5----------10
If every decision was black or white and black was 0 and white was 10, I'd be a five every single time. I pro and con the bananas out of any monkey.
Big decisions are hard. For example: choosing what school to send your acceptance letter to. You can pro and con all you want, but you can't have gray, you have to choose black or white. You HAVE to. No one can choose for you.
Part of me wishes I hadn't applied to numero 2 school so I wouldn't have to make a choice about whether or not to attend numero 1. Process of elimination from one choosing one choice to choose from.
My actual life lesson today: instead of frowning at the little things, about the details that bother you, about the trivial and the simple. Instead of frowning: smile. Don't be bothered, just laugh. You are you helping by being grumpy? No one. Every minute you pout you lose one minute of possible happy bliss.
And-
Be genuinely wonderful, because guess what? People notice.
I like PEOPLE. I like happy. I like making people happy. I like when people make me happy. I've never felt better after waking up this morning and reading messages from those select few who actually take a minute or two to read this little blog. Thanks guys. :) You made me smile fo sho, unslumped in an instant.
It's nice to know people care.
And trust me when I say that there WILL ALWAYS BE someone who does. I know this for a fact and would state it in ink. You will not win the argument that "no one cares". Because guess what? I care.
... not in a westjet way
Sometimes you get disconnected from life, and you float around, like I did yesterday. But I feel so grounded today you could make a hamburger out of me. Only I mean grounded as in I have my two feet on the ground. I feel rooted.
I have been told that life is all about yourself, and making yourself happy. I have also heard that life is about relationships (not necessarily romantic). I believe it's a bit of both and everything else, ultimately probably circling back to the first.
But you can not be happy on your own. Friends are good things, good people are even better. Hanging around and talking to, drinking tea with, jumping on a trampoline with, going to the movie with, "genuinely wonderful" people, is what is going to keep you happy.
I have never been good at getting close with people. I don't like to feel vulnerable because I don't like to be hurt. But I LOVE people. I love them. All. Even the ones who hate me. I love them too. Maybe I should grow my hair out and wear long skirts smoke weed and say "peace and love" every forty seconds.
But to be honest, I don't think that I think that ridiculously.
My boyfriend tells me that I don't necessarily think reasonably, but says I do think logically.
Why not look at life with a positive atitude, why not love everyone, presume the half-full?
You might say, because it's unrealistic.
But if you want to tell me that, and you want me to think "reasonably" and "correctly" because that is the right way to think, I'll say you're wrong. And you'll say I'm wrong. And you know what? No one gives a shit. Seriously, and that's the best news you can get.
Life is short. and we all want to DO something, we want to CHANGE something, we want to START something, or we want to FINISH something else. But the truth is, it doesn't matter what you do because in the end we all end up in the ground. I don't mean this in a "nothing is worth while" sort of way. What I mean is that what is worthwhile to you may be worthless to someone else, and that is OKAY. If playing music is your passion, if dancing sets your soul on fire then you better play, and you better dance. There is no shame in doing what you want, in indulging in what you love.
You don't owe anybody anything, except everything you have to give.
We have to do what makes us happy. That sounds so terrible in a bad movie sort of way. But I mean it. But choosing what makes you happiEST can be oh so very hard. Approach every decision with the mindset that decisions are final and the knowledge that you can always change your mind.
Confused?
If we think about decisions with the mindset that no matter what, we can choose again, then we are going to be more likely to choose again rather than stick with numero uno. But in order to make good decisions, you should be able to say yes knowing that you've said yes. (yes period)
But know that things can always change.
here:
0----------5----------10
If every decision was black or white and black was 0 and white was 10, I'd be a five every single time. I pro and con the bananas out of any monkey.
Big decisions are hard. For example: choosing what school to send your acceptance letter to. You can pro and con all you want, but you can't have gray, you have to choose black or white. You HAVE to. No one can choose for you.
Part of me wishes I hadn't applied to numero 2 school so I wouldn't have to make a choice about whether or not to attend numero 1. Process of elimination from one choosing one choice to choose from.
My actual life lesson today: instead of frowning at the little things, about the details that bother you, about the trivial and the simple. Instead of frowning: smile. Don't be bothered, just laugh. You are you helping by being grumpy? No one. Every minute you pout you lose one minute of possible happy bliss.
And-
Be genuinely wonderful, because guess what? People notice.
Saturday, March 10, 2012
a little sad, mostly sorry
Sometimes I have to read my own blog when I've had a bad day to make myself stop wallowing. I miss my boyfriend, boo. He'll be better soon.
Today I'm thinking a lot about people, I have been for a while now. Aren't people strange? I don't "hate" anyone, I really don't, some people annoy me, but I don't find anyone completely impossible to tolerable. Because I think "hating" people is unjustified. We shouldn't be able to "hate".
You know what I DO hate? Tough times and being forced to keep your mouth shut. That's rough.
I've been feeling sort of recycled lately. Like I'm the same old stuff, but different. I keep being put through machines that turn me into new things. I wake up and I'm a journalist, I go to sleep and I'm a teacher, then I dream about making movies.
To be honest I'm feeling quite lost. In an awkward... I really have no idea what is going on way. I'm floating, but not being robotic. I'm not in a routine, I'm just sort of dreaming life. I want to shake it off but it's really hard when what keeps you solid suddenly crumbles.
I got my hair cut, that's exciting.
I feel... inappropriate. Like I'm the triangle peg trying to fit into the circle hole. It's not that I want to conform, not that I want to change to fit, I'm just tired of having so much trouble resting. Maybe it's my city, maybe it's what's up, or maybe it's just my brain.
I'm bummed out. Worn down. Like... a dirty dishrag. Ready to be tossed.
Also, I have no idea what time it is? I'm in Florida but there was a daylight savings time switcharoo and I'm so confused. haha
Suggestions: If you find yourself in a similar slump take note that "unslumping yourself is not easily done" (that's dr. seuss) but it is necessary that you do it. Instead of dwelling, move on. Do something. Staying in a slump is as useless as serving sour milk at a dinner party. No one wants to be around you if you are in a slump. So suck it up. I know life is hard, but it doesn't matter what happens to us, it's all about how we react to it right?
There are two people in particular who I want to apologize to. Both who probably won't see this and even if they do, they won't do anything about it. I guess a lesson we all have to learn is that you really can't please everyone, and you can't keep everyone around. Well, at least I can't.
1st. I want to apologize to the person who listened to me read "Oh the Places You'll Go" and liked it just as much as I did. I miss you, and I want to be able to talk to you again. You understand how I float and dream in waking life, and I miss being able to float around with you. It scares me how much sense you make. I'm really sorry. Maybe one day we can talk again.
2nd. You're the first person who asked me to be their girlfriend, and I told you to drive me home. Thanks for driving me home. Thanks for picking me up. Thanks for letting me be upset, then comforting me and just the right time that last drive. I miss you too. But I think everyone knows you're one of those people who it's best for me to just stay away from. I hate you so much (haha). But in the best ways. You're pretty sweet for such a douchebag. lol just kidding about the douchebag part... Thanks for the flowers at my play. Thanks for the blanket. I'm sorry. Maybe one day we can talk again.
and actually 3rd...
To all my friends. I'm sorry that somehow real-life communication is somehow excruciatingly difficult for me. Writing is just so much more natural. I know this sucks. Thanks for putting up with me. I hope we still talk.
Today I'm thinking a lot about people, I have been for a while now. Aren't people strange? I don't "hate" anyone, I really don't, some people annoy me, but I don't find anyone completely impossible to tolerable. Because I think "hating" people is unjustified. We shouldn't be able to "hate".
You know what I DO hate? Tough times and being forced to keep your mouth shut. That's rough.
I've been feeling sort of recycled lately. Like I'm the same old stuff, but different. I keep being put through machines that turn me into new things. I wake up and I'm a journalist, I go to sleep and I'm a teacher, then I dream about making movies.
To be honest I'm feeling quite lost. In an awkward... I really have no idea what is going on way. I'm floating, but not being robotic. I'm not in a routine, I'm just sort of dreaming life. I want to shake it off but it's really hard when what keeps you solid suddenly crumbles.
I got my hair cut, that's exciting.
I feel... inappropriate. Like I'm the triangle peg trying to fit into the circle hole. It's not that I want to conform, not that I want to change to fit, I'm just tired of having so much trouble resting. Maybe it's my city, maybe it's what's up, or maybe it's just my brain.
I'm bummed out. Worn down. Like... a dirty dishrag. Ready to be tossed.
Also, I have no idea what time it is? I'm in Florida but there was a daylight savings time switcharoo and I'm so confused. haha
Suggestions: If you find yourself in a similar slump take note that "unslumping yourself is not easily done" (that's dr. seuss) but it is necessary that you do it. Instead of dwelling, move on. Do something. Staying in a slump is as useless as serving sour milk at a dinner party. No one wants to be around you if you are in a slump. So suck it up. I know life is hard, but it doesn't matter what happens to us, it's all about how we react to it right?
There are two people in particular who I want to apologize to. Both who probably won't see this and even if they do, they won't do anything about it. I guess a lesson we all have to learn is that you really can't please everyone, and you can't keep everyone around. Well, at least I can't.
1st. I want to apologize to the person who listened to me read "Oh the Places You'll Go" and liked it just as much as I did. I miss you, and I want to be able to talk to you again. You understand how I float and dream in waking life, and I miss being able to float around with you. It scares me how much sense you make. I'm really sorry. Maybe one day we can talk again.
2nd. You're the first person who asked me to be their girlfriend, and I told you to drive me home. Thanks for driving me home. Thanks for picking me up. Thanks for letting me be upset, then comforting me and just the right time that last drive. I miss you too. But I think everyone knows you're one of those people who it's best for me to just stay away from. I hate you so much (haha). But in the best ways. You're pretty sweet for such a douchebag. lol just kidding about the douchebag part... Thanks for the flowers at my play. Thanks for the blanket. I'm sorry. Maybe one day we can talk again.
and actually 3rd...
To all my friends. I'm sorry that somehow real-life communication is somehow excruciatingly difficult for me. Writing is just so much more natural. I know this sucks. Thanks for putting up with me. I hope we still talk.
Friday, February 24, 2012
I forget how to blog
I find myself becoming more and more critical of my own words as I imagine people I don't know reading them. My hesitation to submit is frustrating both you and me. How am I going to ever be a journalist if I choke up everytime I think about a stranger judging something of mine? Writing is so personal to me. Letting my writing be read, letting my words be heard is like standing naked in the middle of a high school cafeteria. Or maybe I'm just lazy.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Call it Quits
Call it quits, no one cares.
Park in no-zones; pay the fares.
Eat so much you swallow air.
Drink a coffee, have a tea.
Chug your spirit.
Don’t lean on me.
Do your homework, read the books.
Sink your love in like a hook.
But don’t touch me.
Park in no-zones; pay the fares.
Eat so much you swallow air.
Drink a coffee, have a tea.
Chug your spirit.
Don’t lean on me.
Do your homework, read the books.
Sink your love in like a hook.
But don’t touch me.
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Not Selfish, Real.
I can't control you. No sir, no mam. I can only attempt to control myself. If you piss me off, I'm probably going to do something about, something that probably doesn't involve confronting you. I don't really like to confront things, I like to let them go. But it drives me absolutely NUTS when people don't confront me. Like, I'm sorry, but if you have a problem with me why don't you just say it to my face? Hmm? Or you can just delete me off facebook and wait till I notice.
And it's really funny that it pisses me off, because that's exactly what I do. But, I shouldn't have to be the one to apologize, should I? And then especially if I add you back and you accept and then you just delete me again. Jesus!
Is this facebook thing a metaphor for something deeper? NO! I'm just fricken pissed off that I've been deleted! lol
Sorry.
Anyways, today I'm going to talk about feelings and getting hurt and friendships and what exactly they mean. It's not my fault if you thought I was something else. I don't have to prove anything to you. It's your fault for misjudging. Right? I don't have to live my life trying to please you or make you feel how you want me to make you feel. And that's not me being selfish, that's me being real.
Don't tell me I lied to you when I didn't.
Don't tell me I don't deserve what I want.
Becase that's not fair. I never said you didn't deserve what you wanted. I never yelled at you or threw books accross a classroom because you weren't behaving how I wanted you to. I respect you, all of you, for who and what you are. Everyone gets angry, everyone gets sad, everyone gets scary sometimes too. It makes no difference to me.
So how dare you somehow make it my fault you didn't win. That's not my job. I don't have to let you have anything. I'm me, all me, and all me is mine, and I can share whatever I want of me with whoever I chose. I don't owe you anything. And you don't owe me anything either.
Apologies are important, and we should value them, especially if they are sincere. If I say I'm sorry, I mean it. So listen when I say it. I'm sorry, really. I'm sorry even though it's not my fault. It's so stupid to be angry with someone for being. Just being. You're pretty much mad at me for existing.
I can disappear. I can run away. But I like to think we both have enough decency to wave goodbye.
But tell me to fuck off. If it makes you feel any better you go right ahead.
And it's really funny that it pisses me off, because that's exactly what I do. But, I shouldn't have to be the one to apologize, should I? And then especially if I add you back and you accept and then you just delete me again. Jesus!
Is this facebook thing a metaphor for something deeper? NO! I'm just fricken pissed off that I've been deleted! lol
Sorry.
Anyways, today I'm going to talk about feelings and getting hurt and friendships and what exactly they mean. It's not my fault if you thought I was something else. I don't have to prove anything to you. It's your fault for misjudging. Right? I don't have to live my life trying to please you or make you feel how you want me to make you feel. And that's not me being selfish, that's me being real.
Don't tell me I lied to you when I didn't.
Don't tell me I don't deserve what I want.
Becase that's not fair. I never said you didn't deserve what you wanted. I never yelled at you or threw books accross a classroom because you weren't behaving how I wanted you to. I respect you, all of you, for who and what you are. Everyone gets angry, everyone gets sad, everyone gets scary sometimes too. It makes no difference to me.
So how dare you somehow make it my fault you didn't win. That's not my job. I don't have to let you have anything. I'm me, all me, and all me is mine, and I can share whatever I want of me with whoever I chose. I don't owe you anything. And you don't owe me anything either.
Apologies are important, and we should value them, especially if they are sincere. If I say I'm sorry, I mean it. So listen when I say it. I'm sorry, really. I'm sorry even though it's not my fault. It's so stupid to be angry with someone for being. Just being. You're pretty much mad at me for existing.
I can disappear. I can run away. But I like to think we both have enough decency to wave goodbye.
But tell me to fuck off. If it makes you feel any better you go right ahead.
Monday, June 27, 2011
Forget to Remember
Holy SHIT.
I'm in the middle of reading something, and my mind is exploding like a pizza pop that was put in a microwave for over two minutes. Old messages make me DIE. I was such a loser! hahaha I wonder when I'm forty and I look back on these blog entries I'll laugh and think I'm a loser anyways. Maybe I am a loser.
I forgot my password to this, so clearly it's been a while. Sorry guys. (Like how I talk like people actually listen and care about this?) Well, actually every so often I get a message from someone asking me to write a new entry which is always exciting because I like when people tell me they read this.
Anyways, so yeah. I'm in the middle of reading old emails, and I'm laughing while also shaking in my boots. Sometimes we forget things, and sometimes it's better that way. Sometimes remembering is a dangerous thing because it reminds you of everything you used to want. I'm reading these emails, and I'm remembering moments, conversations and even dreams. It's really cool, but really frightening.
Let's take a brief moment to talk about the importance of writing things down. If we forget to remember, then we won't remember. Remembering is so FUN though. For me it is anyhow. Like cleaning my room is fun even thought it takes me 17 hours because I get so distracted all the time. By writing things down we immortalize ourselves. Wait, is that the right word? We become forever permanent with every page we fill.
Remembering is important because mistakes we made and choices we had and decisions we decided all affect us in the present and the future. I took a break from these emails because I needed to type here. I'm actually losing my mind.
Did you read my poem? hehe
Okay I read some more of the emails. Today I had an allergic reaction to the antibiotics I'm on cause I'm sick. Turns out I'm allergic to penicillin. Yuck. Woah... it's 2 am? Good thing it's summer and I don't work tomorrow.
Affection is a funny thing.
If everyone was honest, I wonder if anyone would be happy. I wish I had the time to know everybody. I love people. Everything fascinates me. Motivation is intriguing. Why do we want what we want? How come we will only push so far to get it? I say if you want something, fo gor it. haha I have this issue where I actually switch the letters in my words around all the time without actually even trying. I blame Shel Silverstien and his Runny Babbit.
Anyways, go for it. Who hasn't heard that one before. Emily said to me yesterday that she does one thing a day that scares her, or tries to anyway. I like that. Let's take some risks people. Let's be honest and stop using time as an excuse.
I don't like to bitch, so if things get hot I just let them settle. Maybe one day I'll be a little more aggressive. But I don't want to waste my time putting in effort just to be ignored, high school can be a silly place.
The problem with loving someone lovable is exactly that. Everyone loves the lovable.
Remember the one about shouldn'ts? and how sometimes we should? Maybe I am unable to be profound today because I am coughing up lungular fluid. haha just kidding I'm not. But I am loopy today.
I'm tired. Life Lesson today is to write something down so you will be able to read it later, and hang around with people who make you happy. Cause why waste time with sluts n bitches when you could have real people as your friends. ahahah just kidding. But I'm not joking about surrounding yourself with people that make you happy. Don't waste time with effort if it isn't mirrored. Some things aren't worth the time they take, others are. You have to figure out how to tell.
I'm in the middle of reading something, and my mind is exploding like a pizza pop that was put in a microwave for over two minutes. Old messages make me DIE. I was such a loser! hahaha I wonder when I'm forty and I look back on these blog entries I'll laugh and think I'm a loser anyways. Maybe I am a loser.
I forgot my password to this, so clearly it's been a while. Sorry guys. (Like how I talk like people actually listen and care about this?) Well, actually every so often I get a message from someone asking me to write a new entry which is always exciting because I like when people tell me they read this.
Anyways, so yeah. I'm in the middle of reading old emails, and I'm laughing while also shaking in my boots. Sometimes we forget things, and sometimes it's better that way. Sometimes remembering is a dangerous thing because it reminds you of everything you used to want. I'm reading these emails, and I'm remembering moments, conversations and even dreams. It's really cool, but really frightening.
Let's take a brief moment to talk about the importance of writing things down. If we forget to remember, then we won't remember. Remembering is so FUN though. For me it is anyhow. Like cleaning my room is fun even thought it takes me 17 hours because I get so distracted all the time. By writing things down we immortalize ourselves. Wait, is that the right word? We become forever permanent with every page we fill.
Remembering is important because mistakes we made and choices we had and decisions we decided all affect us in the present and the future. I took a break from these emails because I needed to type here. I'm actually losing my mind.
Did you read my poem? hehe
Okay I read some more of the emails. Today I had an allergic reaction to the antibiotics I'm on cause I'm sick. Turns out I'm allergic to penicillin. Yuck. Woah... it's 2 am? Good thing it's summer and I don't work tomorrow.
Affection is a funny thing.
If everyone was honest, I wonder if anyone would be happy. I wish I had the time to know everybody. I love people. Everything fascinates me. Motivation is intriguing. Why do we want what we want? How come we will only push so far to get it? I say if you want something, fo gor it. haha I have this issue where I actually switch the letters in my words around all the time without actually even trying. I blame Shel Silverstien and his Runny Babbit.
Anyways, go for it. Who hasn't heard that one before. Emily said to me yesterday that she does one thing a day that scares her, or tries to anyway. I like that. Let's take some risks people. Let's be honest and stop using time as an excuse.
I don't like to bitch, so if things get hot I just let them settle. Maybe one day I'll be a little more aggressive. But I don't want to waste my time putting in effort just to be ignored, high school can be a silly place.
The problem with loving someone lovable is exactly that. Everyone loves the lovable.
Remember the one about shouldn'ts? and how sometimes we should? Maybe I am unable to be profound today because I am coughing up lungular fluid. haha just kidding I'm not. But I am loopy today.
I'm tired. Life Lesson today is to write something down so you will be able to read it later, and hang around with people who make you happy. Cause why waste time with sluts n bitches when you could have real people as your friends. ahahah just kidding. But I'm not joking about surrounding yourself with people that make you happy. Don't waste time with effort if it isn't mirrored. Some things aren't worth the time they take, others are. You have to figure out how to tell.
Monday, June 6, 2011
If You Want
If you want a liar, I’ll lie.
Tell me I’m dead and I’ll die.
If you want to push, I’ll shove.
People do crazy things when they’re in love.
If you want a tree, I’ll grow.
You want my hair shorter? Just let me know.
If you want I can speak solely in rhyme,
well as long as you kiss me from time to time.
If you want me to run, I’ll race.
If you want me to stay put? I can pace.
You can check off all of the above
I’ll just smother you with undying love.
If you want a harp player, I’ll learn.
Want a million dollars? I can earn.
A pokemon master? Well, that could be me.
Your crazy harp playing short haired tree.
If you want me to stop, it’s over.
I would find you 400 four leaf clovers.
I could paint your portrait and write you a book.
Just pay me back with a loving look.
I could follow you around the hall.
Pick up your dirty socks and pass you the ball.
I’d let you win every game of chess.
And compliment every single quality you posses.
I would treat you like a King.
I’d be way better than any summer fling.
I wouldn’t let you feel lonely or hollow.
For you I’d even... sculpt Apollo. (haha)
I’d make you breakfast and bring it to you in bed.
We’d talk about all the good things that would lie ahead.
I’d write you poems and cook you meals.
Hey mister, I’m simply head over heels.
But I could be your shoulder to lean on.
Agree with all the things we agree upon.
You could talk to me and I’d always listen.
Even if your eyes started to glisten.
I could do your homework and drive you to class.
Well... actually I’ve still got one more road test to pass.
But I could make the whole world yours.
I could do all of your chores.
I would love you like a rabbit...
haha just kidding? I’d break bad habits.
I’d love you like a koala
Because it’s only you who I want alla.
I’d ramble till I ran out of sense.
I will push you off the sitting fence.
I’d beat you up and pretend I’m tough,
Fill up the backseat with useless stuff.
I’d be your darling, your baby, your sweet pea.
I’d tie your shoe laces and make you smile.
I wanna be yours for a long long while.
Anyways, if everything is doubled like on Noah’s ark,
When I kiss you I feel TRIPLE the sparks.
I’ve got to go because it’s late.
I like the effect you have on my heart rate.
Saturday, June 4, 2011
On Being Surrounded
The thing about life is that you have control. Trust me, you do. Everyone has control. We can all control emotions, and we can all control actions. Control is a good thing, until someone abuses it. We should only be experimenting with control on ourselves. Don't try and control people. Don't. Because you can't.
Friday, June 3, 2011
Happy (old post)
I'm going to stop drafting and start posting. I might go back and post all my drafts, there are quite a few.
I keep typing big long paragraphs of nothing, then backspacing them and writing them again. Life is so weird. It's so wonderful, but it's messed up. It confuses me, which most things do. I think about rules all the time. I think about the way we are made and the way we grow up. I think about the way people are different and I think about what makes people treat people the way they do.
I think happiness is the most important thing in the entire world. Compassion and passion and empathy and understanding and forgiveness and science and art are all important too. But happiness is what drives me. Happiness is what I need.
Everybody wants to be happy, I think.
I'm a really happy person. The other day in drama everyone had to pretend to be someone else in the class and we had to guess who was who, and someone (some AWESOME SOMEONE! haha) said to the girl who was acting out as me:
"You're way too happy.... you're Steph."
Which made me laugh. But that's not saying much, because everything makes me laugh. But I get that a lot. We just our yearbooks this year (which aren't super awesome? ....) and I'm collecting signatures and I've already got a couple saying things like "You're the happiest person I know" "You bright up my life" "Be my wife" haha joking I'm just making those up. But I have got some really nice signatures. and people do tell me I'm a happy person. And, I am.
That's what I was saying earlier. When I said (last post) I have everything I've ever wanted. Because I'm happy. And I think that if you're happy, you're set.
I get sad. I get lonely. But I'm still happy. I know we don't live in a perfect world and I know I haven't finished what I was put here on this planet to do, but even when I wake up on the wrong side of the bed, I always smile. I laugh every day.
I keep typing big long paragraphs of nothing, then backspacing them and writing them again. Life is so weird. It's so wonderful, but it's messed up. It confuses me, which most things do. I think about rules all the time. I think about the way we are made and the way we grow up. I think about the way people are different and I think about what makes people treat people the way they do.
I think happiness is the most important thing in the entire world. Compassion and passion and empathy and understanding and forgiveness and science and art are all important too. But happiness is what drives me. Happiness is what I need.
Everybody wants to be happy, I think.
I'm a really happy person. The other day in drama everyone had to pretend to be someone else in the class and we had to guess who was who, and someone (some AWESOME SOMEONE! haha) said to the girl who was acting out as me:
"You're way too happy.... you're Steph."
Which made me laugh. But that's not saying much, because everything makes me laugh. But I get that a lot. We just our yearbooks this year (which aren't super awesome? ....) and I'm collecting signatures and I've already got a couple saying things like "You're the happiest person I know" "You bright up my life" "Be my wife" haha joking I'm just making those up. But I have got some really nice signatures. and people do tell me I'm a happy person. And, I am.
That's what I was saying earlier. When I said (last post) I have everything I've ever wanted. Because I'm happy. And I think that if you're happy, you're set.
I get sad. I get lonely. But I'm still happy. I know we don't live in a perfect world and I know I haven't finished what I was put here on this planet to do, but even when I wake up on the wrong side of the bed, I always smile. I laugh every day.
The other day I told somebody that I have everything I've ever wanted. He looked at me like I was a little bit crazy, and told me you can only spend so much time in your head before you start missing out on real life.
Which is true, I suppose. And I know that I've said several somethings that sound a lot like that. Musing is good, but only if followed by action, and other what nots of such sort.
When I think, I get nothing done.
Which is true, I suppose. And I know that I've said several somethings that sound a lot like that. Musing is good, but only if followed by action, and other what nots of such sort.
When I think, I get nothing done.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Monday, March 28, 2011
On Backing Decisions
Who knew France would awaken the blogger in me? lol 3 times in one month? That's gotta be some sort of record. I've mentioned the fact that I'm not very good at making decisions. I don't know where I want to eat dinner, and I have no clue what movie I want to watch. If you ask... well I wouldn't even bother asking because I probably won't have an answer. But when I do make a decision, I don't change my mind. In January I decided I would stop eating meat, so now I don't. When I make a decision, I don't usually back it because it comes on so suddenly I just have to accept the fact that I've just made a decision, and now the decision has been made. I could probably come to a decision, if I really tried hard and made pros and cons lists and lost sleep because I was thinking about it. But that doesn't really work. Decisions just randomly are thrown at me and I don't question them. I'll probably come home one day with a map of the world tattooed on my back because I decided over lunch that it would be a good idea. Maybe "decision" isn't the right word? When I haven't decided on something that needs to be decided I get a little hazy and block everything out because I'm undecided. Day to day decisions don't really... hmm.. affect me? It's not that they don't matter, it's just that I'm happy no matter what the decision is. I can go with the flow cause in the end all the rivers end up in the lake. hahahah just. kidding. lol Maybe it's like on old post, the one about being reasonable? I don't need to back my decisions all the time because sometimes I just know. I have a really good sense of knowing. I'm really sure about the things I'm sure about, and everything else just sort of floats around my head. I spend so much energy in being sure that I don't have much left to spend re-assuring. Meaning I avoid making decisions, but accept and stick to the ones my subconscious mind decides for me. I think a lot of people think this whole thought musing thing is useless bull shit. But I don't. I think it's important to explore the way you function, because then you'll start to understand the way you work. I wonder sometimes if I'm really predictable, or completely impossible to keep pace with. Some people like to take apart a microwave or a calculator so they understand how all the parts fit together to function. I like to pick apart people (ew no not literally) and explore their brain and see how their head works toward function. Is that any less useful than exploring a microwave? No. It's not. So for all you people who think brains don't matter and it's all about microwaves, you're wrong. It's about the balance between the brains and the microwaves that create the function we call life. Nothing is bullshit. (besides overhead notes) And nothing matters either. Nothing means anything, and therefore everything is nothing and in nothing, everyone will find their everything. :) Get what I'm getting at? Life is not just something you live. Life is something you were given, and you can turn it into whatever you want it to be. Life is what you make it, in a very literal sense. You make your life. You choose to pick apart brains or microwaves or both. You choose what you like, what you do, and who you love. Life is yours and no one elses and nobody can tell you what matters to you, because only you know what matters. And we're all made up of matter. And 'matter' is something that is made-up. You don't control what you're made up of and. Okay. I can see where this could get confusing. Because I just said "you choose" and followed it with "you can't control". haha The first you, the you who chooses, is your physical you, the really you that goes grocery shopping and walks the dog. The other you, the one you can't control, or at least I can't control, is the brain you. haha So, you control everything, you have control over nothing, nothing matters and we are made-up of everything. You love who you love, and you can find meaning in nothing because everything is matter. And if you can accept the fact that nothing ever makes "sense" then you can get away with not backing your decisions and being truly and honestly happy with life and the way you live and choose and at the same time don't control it. Life Lesson today is to smile and nod and pretend you understood what I just said. Steph out :)
Friday, March 25, 2011
Words.Words.Words
I love words. Bo Burnham is cool too. haha. But really, words are my favourite. I like reading them, I like writing them, and I like hearing them. But they don't mean anything. Words are just reinforcements or contradictions of actions. Sha la la la la la my oh my! Look's like the boy's too shy, he ain't gunna kiss the girl. sha la la la la la ain't that said? It's such a shame, too bad. He's gunna miss the girl haha like how I kept the sha la la's in there? Don't think about kissing her, don't tell her you want to kiss her, just: kiss her. I came to this realization during French class this morning. In France, I stare. All the time. I stare at my teachers while they talk, I stare at the 7000 illegal smokers outside (haha I don't actually know if it's illegal here...) I stare ay my french relatives and I stare at my classmates. I'm not ashamed to stare, because I want to understand. This morning I was staring at my French teacher and she was talking and talking and spitting and spitting because she is a human sprinkler when she speaks and I was staring and staring and cowering under my umbrella when I realized I had no idea what she was talking about. Not a clue! Maybe because she was speaking french, but then I thought about how the situation would change if she was speaking english. I didn't think it would change much. WOO VALENTINA JUST GAVE ME A TIC TAC! YES! She is my favourite. Anyways. It doesn't matter if this teacher at which whom I was staring at (who was yelling now) was speaking French, English, or Ojibwe. I didn't care what she was saying, and none of the words she spoke were impacting my life at all. If I understood, and was listening, at best her lecture could have sparked a thought. But unless I took the time to think that thought, and make it into an action, this two hour class would be just one among others spent wandering in words. You're not going to be remembered for your thoughts, you're going to be remembered for what you do. It doesn't matter if you can talk, it doesn't matter if you can think. If you can't take action, you're just another crayon in the box. We all could be metallic, a sparkly crayon in the box. We could all make a difference and make a change and change a life, but we need to learn to get out of our own heads. I have a lot of time to think here in France. I'm in my head all the time and sometimes a whole school day goes by and all I have to show for it is an empty page with a corner full of monster doodles. I like to think, but... as someone once told me: "analytical minds are destructive". It's the sad and scary truth. When you think, like I do sometimes, you strip down every situation until there isn't anything left but thought, which is useless without the other half of the equation. the equation: thought+action=outcome Without action, there is no outcome and therefore you are left with just thought, which means nothing. When all you do is think, you're whole being is absorbed into your head and you mosey around everyday life and maybe forget things like eating and sleeping, but you don't notice because you're so far gone inside yourself you don't even speak. It is for that reason I agree with the statement: analytical minds are destructive. Because eventually if you let your head absorb you, you'll be so far gone you won't be able to come back. Thinking is an addictive drug, but there's no rehab for thought abusers, so you have to look out for yourself. Next. Bored. "I'm bored." This is boring. You don't really ever have an excuse to be bored. There is always something to do. If you think you're starting to feel bored, do something. Go somewhere, look at something. Everyday we get a little closer to the end. Every second that passes is gone, and we're only given so much life time. So do what you want and don't waste time doubting. Don't waste time thinking. You catch the ball, and you throw it, you don't wait for the other team to surround you. Take what you get and work what you have. Don't be scared to start something because you're afraid of how it will finish. If you start by thinking about the end, well... why even start something you can only think about ending? I don't mean finish like complete, I think we should make a concious effort to finish what we start, I mean finish like... terminate. Alrighty roo. I hate yelling. Teachers here like like it makes us listen. Yelling makes me block things out even more. Never yell at me. I'll attack you. They teach us to box in France. HA. I wish. sigh. I actually wrote this during French class. I'm writing right now and I'm going to type it up later. It'll be the first time in a while I'll post twice in the same month. Life Lesson: If a Canadian asks to throw eggs at you while you (also a Canadian) are in France because it's tradtion on your birthday, don't say okay. I had to shake my head today because some people are really stupid. Don't worry, it wasn't me who got pelted, but that poor girl who thought it was all in fun... well maybe ignorance is bliss. No, I don't think so. I think there's middle ground somewhere between "ignorant bliss" and thought rehab. Life lesson today is to try and find it. Steph out :)
Saturday, March 19, 2011
If You Ask Me to Write Then I Will
When someone asks me to write, I have to. That's probably the one of the things I get most excited about. When people ask me to sing, I usually won't. If someone asked me to show them a dance, I might. But when someone asks me to write for them, I just do it. So, it was super cool Levan when you said I'd been depriving you of Passion Fire. :) So here I am, writing.
I like accidents. I think that we find the best things when we aren't really looking. If life was a google search, we always find cool things by being vague in our discription. You don't search hedgehog, you just happen to find one as the last entry in the pet ads. You find that boy who used to smile at you in the halls by looking through someone's facebook pictures who you went to elementary school with. haha. I like accidents, because you can't fake fate. :)
Read this:
"Those who can, do; those who can't: teach; those who can't teach teach the teachers; and those who can't teach the teachers go into politics."
As for me, I think that his sentence is a bona fide profound thought, precisely because it isn't true, or at least not entirely true. It doesn't mean what you think it does at the outset. If people could climb higher in the social hierarchy in proportion to their incompetence, I guarantee the world would not go round the way it does. But that's not even the problem. What his sentence means isn't that incompetent people have found their place in the sun, but that nothing is harder or more unfair than human reality: humans live in a world where it's words and not deeds that have power, where the ultimate skill is mastery of language. This is a terrible thing because basically we are primates who've been programmed to eat, sleep, reproduce, conquer and make our territory safe, and the ones who are most gifted at that, the most animal types among us, always get screwed by the others, the fine talkers, despite these latter being incapable of defending their own garden or bringing a rabbit home for dinner or procreating properly. Humans live in a world where the weak are dominant. This is a terrible insult to our animal natue, a sort of perversion or a deep contradiction.
The Elegance of the Hedgehog
Muriel Barbery
Yeah so this book is kind of incredible. It's the kind of book I want to write. Philosophical musing. It blows my mind. It's like trying to swallow cinnamon. You can only read/ swallow a little bit at a time.
So, I'm in France now. It's summer time. Well for the past week it was hurricane weather, but now it's do-your-history-homework-outside-in-your-bathing-suit sort of weather. I get distracted really easily. The problem with doing an e-learing course is that it's e. Meaning, you have to be on the internet. Meaning there are endless oppertunities for your mind to wander. I think I have a mind who likes to wander. Wandering is okay, but focus is good too. If there was something I wish I had more of, it's focus. I'm amused very easily, but it's hard to keep my attention for long periods of time. But I'm a really good listener. I love to listen.
Life Lessons
Patience is a virtue. haha Just kidding. But I think that patience is important. Being in France and having to speak French and having to learn to communicate with minimal language skills and having to usually be clueless 75% percent of the time has made me very patient. And it's nice. Being patient makes you nicer, and it gives to you time to notice a lot of things you don't notice when you rush and rush and rush. Being patient allows you to appreciate. Don't be afraid of waiting, but don't waste all your waiting in wandering. Learn how to be a focussed waiter, and your mind will explode with reward. Frustration is such a useless emotion. People who can't be patient end up being frustrated.
I break everything, really. I don't know how I manage to. I bought a ring, broke it. Bought some french pants equipped with suspenders (haha) and I broke the suspenders. I think I get lost in thought and I'm not very conscience of my actual physical being. I turn knobs on microscopes absentmidedly until the knobs fall off (woops). I fiddle with paper and end up with a pile of confetti. It's very strange.
There was a bee on my bed the other day and it stung me. Now there is what Iris, my exchange partner, called a "night butterfly" in my room. Okay, no. This thing is like a massive moth equipped with spikes and fangs and vemon. It flies around and bumps into things and is very noisy. There is nothing calm or pretty or butterfly-ish about it. Maybe that's why it's a night butterfly? It's like the butterfly's alter-ego? haha
I really don't like bugs.
My french grandparents are coming over to drink tea and eat cake now. So, I should go join. :)
Learn how to be focussed and patient, you'll get more things done. Also read a book and maybe do a little bit of philosophical musing every once and a while. Even if analytical minds are destructive, if we never analyzed, we'd never move forward.
ta ta for now :)
happiness is the best emotion. and laughter fixes everything duct tape can't.
I like accidents. I think that we find the best things when we aren't really looking. If life was a google search, we always find cool things by being vague in our discription. You don't search hedgehog, you just happen to find one as the last entry in the pet ads. You find that boy who used to smile at you in the halls by looking through someone's facebook pictures who you went to elementary school with. haha. I like accidents, because you can't fake fate. :)
Read this:
"Those who can, do; those who can't: teach; those who can't teach teach the teachers; and those who can't teach the teachers go into politics."
As for me, I think that his sentence is a bona fide profound thought, precisely because it isn't true, or at least not entirely true. It doesn't mean what you think it does at the outset. If people could climb higher in the social hierarchy in proportion to their incompetence, I guarantee the world would not go round the way it does. But that's not even the problem. What his sentence means isn't that incompetent people have found their place in the sun, but that nothing is harder or more unfair than human reality: humans live in a world where it's words and not deeds that have power, where the ultimate skill is mastery of language. This is a terrible thing because basically we are primates who've been programmed to eat, sleep, reproduce, conquer and make our territory safe, and the ones who are most gifted at that, the most animal types among us, always get screwed by the others, the fine talkers, despite these latter being incapable of defending their own garden or bringing a rabbit home for dinner or procreating properly. Humans live in a world where the weak are dominant. This is a terrible insult to our animal natue, a sort of perversion or a deep contradiction.
The Elegance of the Hedgehog
Muriel Barbery
Yeah so this book is kind of incredible. It's the kind of book I want to write. Philosophical musing. It blows my mind. It's like trying to swallow cinnamon. You can only read/ swallow a little bit at a time.
So, I'm in France now. It's summer time. Well for the past week it was hurricane weather, but now it's do-your-history-homework-outside-in-your-bathing-suit sort of weather. I get distracted really easily. The problem with doing an e-learing course is that it's e. Meaning, you have to be on the internet. Meaning there are endless oppertunities for your mind to wander. I think I have a mind who likes to wander. Wandering is okay, but focus is good too. If there was something I wish I had more of, it's focus. I'm amused very easily, but it's hard to keep my attention for long periods of time. But I'm a really good listener. I love to listen.
Life Lessons
Patience is a virtue. haha Just kidding. But I think that patience is important. Being in France and having to speak French and having to learn to communicate with minimal language skills and having to usually be clueless 75% percent of the time has made me very patient. And it's nice. Being patient makes you nicer, and it gives to you time to notice a lot of things you don't notice when you rush and rush and rush. Being patient allows you to appreciate. Don't be afraid of waiting, but don't waste all your waiting in wandering. Learn how to be a focussed waiter, and your mind will explode with reward. Frustration is such a useless emotion. People who can't be patient end up being frustrated.
I break everything, really. I don't know how I manage to. I bought a ring, broke it. Bought some french pants equipped with suspenders (haha) and I broke the suspenders. I think I get lost in thought and I'm not very conscience of my actual physical being. I turn knobs on microscopes absentmidedly until the knobs fall off (woops). I fiddle with paper and end up with a pile of confetti. It's very strange.
There was a bee on my bed the other day and it stung me. Now there is what Iris, my exchange partner, called a "night butterfly" in my room. Okay, no. This thing is like a massive moth equipped with spikes and fangs and vemon. It flies around and bumps into things and is very noisy. There is nothing calm or pretty or butterfly-ish about it. Maybe that's why it's a night butterfly? It's like the butterfly's alter-ego? haha
I really don't like bugs.
My french grandparents are coming over to drink tea and eat cake now. So, I should go join. :)
Learn how to be focussed and patient, you'll get more things done. Also read a book and maybe do a little bit of philosophical musing every once and a while. Even if analytical minds are destructive, if we never analyzed, we'd never move forward.
ta ta for now :)
happiness is the best emotion. and laughter fixes everything duct tape can't.
Monday, February 21, 2011
23 Contradictions and Two Facts
I wonder frequently if people have patterns. If you like this, you'll like that. You know? I'm just here to tell you: they don't. And it's awesome. It makes everything so much more exciting. I don't like to guess, I like to know. That's why I look for patterns. I don't really like surprises either. But they are probably better for me, anticipation is a killer.
I love flowers. But I hate bouquets. I hate them. They are so ugly. Okay, not all of them. I like little bouquets. Cute ones, where the colours go all nice. But huge arrangements of floral disaster make me want fold clothes for a living. But I love flowers.
I am scared of bugs. They make me shiver.
I love playing in the rain. I love it. I'm terrified of thunder. If I saw a bug in a thunder storm I might die. lol Kidding, but you get it.
I love to swim. But deep water freaks me out, a lot.
I can only sleep when it's pitch black. It doesn't really get dark in my room here in France so I have to sleep with one of those beautiful sleeping masks. I got mine off the airplane. lol Yet strangely enough: I'm terrified of the dark.
See where I'm going? If you see any pattern, let me know. I'm interested. I could continue for a long time. I'm not going to list forever though. I cut my lip today. I'm not even going to tell you what happend because it was so weird. lol It bled for a long time.
Anyways. I like patterns. I like figuring people out. But patterns are hard to find. Over time you put the pieces of your puzzle together, and by the end, once you have enough pieces, you see the picture. The pattern makes sense, even though every peice on it's own didn't mean much.
But don't throw away the pieces, because then you'll never finish the puzzle. And without a finished puzzle, you don't know someone. So keep the pieces, finish the puzzle, and understand someone. :)
That's all? I'm avoiding doing my homework right now....
I feel like I didn't really say anything. Let me try again.
Life Lesson For Today
People are complicated. You don't usually ask a person their favourite movie and after they answer you know their favourite colour smartie and shoe size. It doesn't work like that. Every day you're with someone, or you talk to someone, or you skype someone, haha, you learn something. Every single time. I promise. It's your job to remember what you learn. Once you start remembering, things start to make sense. Once you remember, you can predict. But you never know. Relying on remembering doesn't work. There's a lot of guessing involved no matter what. And that's what makes people so fun. It's not knowing exactly what they are going to say to you tomorrow over breakfast that makes you want to eat breakfast tomorrow. It's about growing together over time. Getting to know someone isn't about making them follow a program in your head. They don't do some things and hate others. It's about experimenting, and learning, and making memories.
So, get to know someone. Don't judge them, or categorize them and place them into a file in your brain. Find out if they like sand but hate deserts. Because underneath all the facts and contradictions there is a person. And that person is great, promise.
I love flowers. But I hate bouquets. I hate them. They are so ugly. Okay, not all of them. I like little bouquets. Cute ones, where the colours go all nice. But huge arrangements of floral disaster make me want fold clothes for a living. But I love flowers.
I am scared of bugs. They make me shiver.
I love playing in the rain. I love it. I'm terrified of thunder. If I saw a bug in a thunder storm I might die. lol Kidding, but you get it.
I love to swim. But deep water freaks me out, a lot.
I can only sleep when it's pitch black. It doesn't really get dark in my room here in France so I have to sleep with one of those beautiful sleeping masks. I got mine off the airplane. lol Yet strangely enough: I'm terrified of the dark.
See where I'm going? If you see any pattern, let me know. I'm interested. I could continue for a long time. I'm not going to list forever though. I cut my lip today. I'm not even going to tell you what happend because it was so weird. lol It bled for a long time.
Anyways. I like patterns. I like figuring people out. But patterns are hard to find. Over time you put the pieces of your puzzle together, and by the end, once you have enough pieces, you see the picture. The pattern makes sense, even though every peice on it's own didn't mean much.
But don't throw away the pieces, because then you'll never finish the puzzle. And without a finished puzzle, you don't know someone. So keep the pieces, finish the puzzle, and understand someone. :)
That's all? I'm avoiding doing my homework right now....
I feel like I didn't really say anything. Let me try again.
Life Lesson For Today
People are complicated. You don't usually ask a person their favourite movie and after they answer you know their favourite colour smartie and shoe size. It doesn't work like that. Every day you're with someone, or you talk to someone, or you skype someone, haha, you learn something. Every single time. I promise. It's your job to remember what you learn. Once you start remembering, things start to make sense. Once you remember, you can predict. But you never know. Relying on remembering doesn't work. There's a lot of guessing involved no matter what. And that's what makes people so fun. It's not knowing exactly what they are going to say to you tomorrow over breakfast that makes you want to eat breakfast tomorrow. It's about growing together over time. Getting to know someone isn't about making them follow a program in your head. They don't do some things and hate others. It's about experimenting, and learning, and making memories.
So, get to know someone. Don't judge them, or categorize them and place them into a file in your brain. Find out if they like sand but hate deserts. Because underneath all the facts and contradictions there is a person. And that person is great, promise.
Friday, January 28, 2011
Wallow Wallow, Alone and in Love
You know I really don't know if the six people who follow this even read what I post. It doesn't really matter. One day when I'm famous people will beg to read the blog I kept during highschool. haha is doesn't really not a word? My computer is trying to tell me that it isn't. haha, this isn't my computer actually. It is someone's netbook. I'm in the Sheraton Center in Toronto right now. In the lobby, by myself. Hooray. I clearly know how to have a good time on a friday night. Am I looking for pity? Maybe. Wanna come keep me company? You can.
Anywho... oh my god. Have you ever seen 10 Things I Hate About You? ahh melt. Heath Ledger is a God. Was God? sigh. The song he sings just came on... you're like heaven to touch, I wanna hold you so much.
Wallowing in self pity.
I'm down here for the Public Education Symposium, also attended Equity and Inclusive Education workshops or something. I'm supposed to be partying it up with the other Trustees, but alas alack the day, here I am.
Anyways, how's life? Besides sitting here in the lobby feeling sorry for myself? I leave for France in fourteen days. Fourteen. Can you believe that? I can't. I'm going to be gone for three whole months. wowza.
This hotel is massive to the max. Like, it is so so so so big.
Have you ever been in love?
Yeah, you. I'm talking to you mysterious random who came upon my blog my accident. Have you? I wanna know.
I'm in love. Just in case you wanted to know. Who ever you might be msyterious random. You know sometimes the internet drives me nuts. But I also love it, it's a nice venting spot. It's fun to announce things like "I'm in Love" while on the internet. Everyone tells me that the internet isn't safe. I don't disagree. I'd rather say "hey mister, I love you" but, since I'm talking to a netbook, I'll just stick with "I'm in love" for now. One day I'll say I love you. One day.
ramble ramble.
You can only wait for so long. And you can say that, but you still wait. You know? Some things are worth waiting for. When you wait, do you wonder about the stuff you miss out on? I don't really. I don't think you lose things by waiting for others. I guess you probably do.
I'm all alone in Toronto. haha I have my own room and everything. The first thing I did when I got here was climb on to the register in my room and stuck my face against the window and looked down to see how high I was. I love that. The window holds you up and you feel so free. Then I looked across the street and noticed I was right across from a business building. A nice man waved at me. I waved back.
Then I started jumping on the beds. Because I have a hotel room with two beds all to my lonesome and what else was I supposed to do? But the ceiling was really low so I cut my hand. ahahh scraping it against the scratchy ceiling. It bled. ahahh then I had to go to session with a bloody hand. Good times right?
I have fun.
Someone also asked me to run away with them, and another person told me they would let me use their netbook if I fixed their ironing board. (see top when I mention that I'm on a netbook, can you put the pieces together?)
It's 11pm at the moment. Or, 11ish anyways.
Sometimes I think I need too much. But other times I don't. Sometimes I wish I could just type huge long messaages to people telling them everything, sometimes I do write them.
uh oh, a trustee is coming to fetch me to make me dance. I will return.
Hey mister, I love you.
Anywho... oh my god. Have you ever seen 10 Things I Hate About You? ahh melt. Heath Ledger is a God. Was God? sigh. The song he sings just came on... you're like heaven to touch, I wanna hold you so much.
Wallowing in self pity.
I'm down here for the Public Education Symposium, also attended Equity and Inclusive Education workshops or something. I'm supposed to be partying it up with the other Trustees, but alas alack the day, here I am.
Anyways, how's life? Besides sitting here in the lobby feeling sorry for myself? I leave for France in fourteen days. Fourteen. Can you believe that? I can't. I'm going to be gone for three whole months. wowza.
This hotel is massive to the max. Like, it is so so so so big.
Have you ever been in love?
Yeah, you. I'm talking to you mysterious random who came upon my blog my accident. Have you? I wanna know.
I'm in love. Just in case you wanted to know. Who ever you might be msyterious random. You know sometimes the internet drives me nuts. But I also love it, it's a nice venting spot. It's fun to announce things like "I'm in Love" while on the internet. Everyone tells me that the internet isn't safe. I don't disagree. I'd rather say "hey mister, I love you" but, since I'm talking to a netbook, I'll just stick with "I'm in love" for now. One day I'll say I love you. One day.
ramble ramble.
You can only wait for so long. And you can say that, but you still wait. You know? Some things are worth waiting for. When you wait, do you wonder about the stuff you miss out on? I don't really. I don't think you lose things by waiting for others. I guess you probably do.
I'm all alone in Toronto. haha I have my own room and everything. The first thing I did when I got here was climb on to the register in my room and stuck my face against the window and looked down to see how high I was. I love that. The window holds you up and you feel so free. Then I looked across the street and noticed I was right across from a business building. A nice man waved at me. I waved back.
Then I started jumping on the beds. Because I have a hotel room with two beds all to my lonesome and what else was I supposed to do? But the ceiling was really low so I cut my hand. ahahh scraping it against the scratchy ceiling. It bled. ahahh then I had to go to session with a bloody hand. Good times right?
I have fun.
Someone also asked me to run away with them, and another person told me they would let me use their netbook if I fixed their ironing board. (see top when I mention that I'm on a netbook, can you put the pieces together?)
It's 11pm at the moment. Or, 11ish anyways.
Sometimes I think I need too much. But other times I don't. Sometimes I wish I could just type huge long messaages to people telling them everything, sometimes I do write them.
uh oh, a trustee is coming to fetch me to make me dance. I will return.
Hey mister, I love you.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Beatrice and Virgil
I'm going to talk about a book, but I guess more generally books in general. Analytically analyzing. haha... never mind.
I've always wanted to be a writer. Since, forever. I love to write. And I love books about writers. Beatrice and Virgil, by Yann Martel, is abut a writer. I mean, yes, it was also about the holocaust, among other things. But for me, it was mainly about a writer. As a writer myself, I love reading about writers.
I read some reviews of the book and it didn't seem to get very good feedback, as far as I dug. Which wasn't very far. I was just astounded by how non-appealing they thought the book was. They said it had no plot, no narrative magic like Life of Pi did. I've never read Life of Pi, but eventually I will. One review said, the whole novel was more of an "elaborate writing exercise".
Is that a bad thing? Really and seriously, what is a novel BESIDES an elaborate writing exercise? Review writers aren't writers, in the sense that a writer is a writer. You know what I'm saying?
I loved Beatrice and Virgil. I'm sure a lot of it went over my head, no doubt. But that's okay. If everyone who read a novel understood everything about it, I wouldn't be writing this. I think good books are books that someone can read and enjoy, and another can read and analyze. A book means something different to every reader who indulges.
I love words. I love them. They are my favourite thing.
If the only thing that makes a good book is narrative magic, then there would only be one type of book. I don't think Beatrice and Virgil was boring at all, sometimes you have to look beyond the simple action and think about why the action that is happening, is happening. Words are powerful, and Yann Martel's novel is powerful.
I felt the need to express my appreciation for it.
You should read it. And then when I write my first book, you should read that too.
I've always wanted to be a writer. Since, forever. I love to write. And I love books about writers. Beatrice and Virgil, by Yann Martel, is abut a writer. I mean, yes, it was also about the holocaust, among other things. But for me, it was mainly about a writer. As a writer myself, I love reading about writers.
I read some reviews of the book and it didn't seem to get very good feedback, as far as I dug. Which wasn't very far. I was just astounded by how non-appealing they thought the book was. They said it had no plot, no narrative magic like Life of Pi did. I've never read Life of Pi, but eventually I will. One review said, the whole novel was more of an "elaborate writing exercise".
Is that a bad thing? Really and seriously, what is a novel BESIDES an elaborate writing exercise? Review writers aren't writers, in the sense that a writer is a writer. You know what I'm saying?
I loved Beatrice and Virgil. I'm sure a lot of it went over my head, no doubt. But that's okay. If everyone who read a novel understood everything about it, I wouldn't be writing this. I think good books are books that someone can read and enjoy, and another can read and analyze. A book means something different to every reader who indulges.
I love words. I love them. They are my favourite thing.
If the only thing that makes a good book is narrative magic, then there would only be one type of book. I don't think Beatrice and Virgil was boring at all, sometimes you have to look beyond the simple action and think about why the action that is happening, is happening. Words are powerful, and Yann Martel's novel is powerful.
I felt the need to express my appreciation for it.
You should read it. And then when I write my first book, you should read that too.
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