a little sad, mostly sorry

Sometimes I have to read my own blog when I've had a bad day to make myself stop wallowing. I miss my boyfriend, boo. He'll be better soon.

Today I'm thinking a lot about people, I have been for a while now. Aren't people strange? I don't "hate" anyone, I really don't, some people annoy me, but I don't find anyone completely impossible to tolerable. Because I think "hating" people is unjustified. We shouldn't be able to "hate".

You know what I DO hate? Tough times and being forced to keep your mouth shut. That's rough.

I've been feeling sort of recycled lately. Like I'm the same old stuff, but different. I keep being put through machines that turn me into new things. I wake up and I'm a journalist, I go to sleep and I'm a teacher, then I dream about making movies.

To be honest I'm feeling quite lost. In an awkward... I really have no idea what is going on way. I'm floating, but not being robotic. I'm not in a routine, I'm just sort of dreaming life. I want to shake it off but it's really hard when what keeps you solid suddenly crumbles.

I got my hair cut, that's exciting.

I feel... inappropriate. Like I'm the triangle peg trying to fit into the circle hole. It's not that I want to conform, not that I want to change to fit, I'm just tired of having so much trouble resting. Maybe it's my city, maybe it's what's up, or maybe it's just my brain.

I'm bummed out. Worn down. Like... a dirty dishrag. Ready to be tossed.

Also, I have no idea what time it is? I'm in Florida but there was a daylight savings time switcharoo and I'm so confused. haha

Suggestions: If you find yourself in a similar slump take note that "unslumping yourself is not easily done" (that's dr. seuss) but it is necessary that you do it. Instead of dwelling, move on. Do something. Staying in a slump is as useless as serving sour milk at a dinner party. No one wants to be around you if you are in a slump. So suck it up. I know life is hard, but it doesn't matter what happens to us, it's all about how we react to it right?

There are two people in particular who I want to apologize to. Both who probably won't see this and even if they do, they won't do anything about it. I guess a lesson we all have to learn is that you really can't please everyone, and you can't keep everyone around. Well, at least I can't.

1st. I want to apologize to the person who listened to me read "Oh the Places You'll Go" and liked it just as much as I did. I miss you, and I want to be able to talk to you again. You understand how I float and dream in waking life, and I miss being able to float around with you. It scares me how much sense you make. I'm really sorry. Maybe one day we can talk again.

2nd. You're the first person who asked me to be their girlfriend, and I told you to drive me home. Thanks for driving me home. Thanks for picking me up. Thanks for letting me be upset, then comforting me and just the right time that last drive. I miss you too. But I think everyone knows you're one of those people who it's best for me to just stay away from. I hate you so much (haha). But in the best ways. You're pretty sweet for such a douchebag. lol just kidding about the douchebag part... Thanks for the flowers at my play. Thanks for the blanket. I'm sorry. Maybe one day we can talk again.

and actually 3rd...

To all my friends. I'm sorry that somehow real-life communication is somehow excruciatingly difficult for me. Writing is just so much more natural. I know this sucks. Thanks for putting up with me. I hope we still talk.