Teekly Wip.

It's been about a month? Unacceptable. It's definitely NOT because I don't have anything to say. It could have something to do with how much I've been thinking though. Bad Steph, not enough spit! Too much swish and gurgle. Sigh.

Alrighty. So. Setting goals is good, mostly because achieving them is better. So... this is big. Make sure you're sitting down. I'm going to make sure I update this blog thing of mine weekly. HUGE GASP! I know. Terrifying, right? Wrong! I believe that by the end of every week I will have something to say. I'm setting a goal. When you set goals, things get done.

I like telling you guys (whoever you may be) the titles of the posts I don't publish... such as "Girls are dumb... and good friends are hard to understand" and "There isn't always a rule book, and not everything comes with instructions." I like the last one, I'll probably end up talking about it in this one....

Maybe I should just start actually talking? Instead of talking about talking? Okay.

Hmmm.... I don't know how long this one is going to be. I think too much. It sucks sometimes. Thinking is good, but sometimes I envy those who are oblivious. Not that I believe anyone is completely and totally oblivious... except... okay never mind.

I think that I will post this one. And then come back in ten seconds and do a real one. This is just an update. Oh, The teekly wip thing? That's stolen from Sunjay Nath, a super cool awesome speaker. You should check out his website ... http://www.sunjaynath.com/ and subscribe to his "teekly wip" and you should also go hear him speak if you can. He's really awesome. Totally inspiring. His whole mixing up the words and the final sentence of the story (for those of you who've heard him, you know what I'm talking about) it just gets to me. Shivers. Choose your life, and you lose chife! (Chife= mad sad bad)

Okay. Sunjay rocks. I'll be back in ten seconds to tell you how life has been, what I've learned the past month, and what still and might always confuse my socks off.

There isn't always a rule book, and not everything comes with instructions. (old post)

It's all been done before. Sure it has. But none of us have done everything. Just because someone did it, doesn't mean you have. Everything happens to everyone for a first time. And everything, and everyone, and every time is specific.

Nobody anywhere can tell you how you feel, or how you should do something. It's our individual job to figure out what works for us. Making rules are scary, and when we don't have instructions, it's easy to just sit on your hands and wait for them. But you can't be afraid. If you sit on your hands forever they'll fall off, and then you won't be able to eat corn on the cob, or button your shirt.

Don't tell yourself that something isn't special, or that the way you feel is just programmed into humanity. Everything is original.

Untitled

Everyday is new, and nothing can be defined. I'm in this weird sort of mind set right now. Sometimes when I think, I go all nutso... and have to hold onto something solid so I don't float away.

It happens to me a lot. When you try to tell yourself that something doesn't matter, and then you sort of wonder what does? If this doesn't matter, how come that other thing does? You could think like that for ever. Eventually nothing would matter. Nothing DOES matter, unless you make it matter.

I think the whole point of.... us... of.... it, of, the big picture, is taking things that, being general, don't mean anything, and making them mean something. You can robot your way through life. You can, I do sometimes. But it sucks. Don't let that happen. It's really awful.

If you are anything like me, EVERYTHING matters. But if everything matters, then nothing does. You see where I'm going? We can't have everything all the time, because then we wouldn't be able to want anything and when we got something it wouldn't matter because we'd already have it.

The most important thing is to be present, and to not enable. In order to be real, you have to feel. Things go wrong sometimes, and you have to face that. You have to be honest. If you think that everything is just going to go away and when tomorrow comes you won't have to think about yesterday because it already happened and its out of your control, you need wake up. To really wake up.

If you tell yourself that something doesn't matter, and you don't let yourself feel, if you don't let anything matter, then you're going to turn into metal. We're all going to become robots. Do something different. Don't depend on routine.

I know the feeling that I get when I know something is important to me. I want everyone, everywhere, to be able to feel like that. Okay, now I'm going to contradict myself. I've said everything and I've said nothing matters. This might get confusing.

I'm trying to say that by taking every opportunity and every project and every person and every feeling, and thinking about it, and making it individual, we'll all feel better. By taking a minute, or 15, just to think, and to realize something, would help everyone out. If you don't think, you won't feel. If you don't feel, you won't live. And if you're not living.... you're dead.

I don't want to be surrounded by a bunch of dead people. That's gross. That's terrible. Especially, when we all have the potential to be alive. I'm not talking about breathing, I mean. REALLY alive.

So its our job, it's my job, and its YOUR job, to make things matter. Everything DOES matter. But saying that doesn't make it true. You've gotta take the time to think about things to make them real. You can turn everything into something. Just don't make everything nothing. DON'T ROBOT. Be real.

Say something. DO something. No robots. Okay?

You don't HAVE to do anything. I'm telling you right now that nobody can make you do anything. (Unless they tie strings to you or actually physically force you) You have to WANT to do it. No obligations, everything is choice. Don't freak out, even if its scary. WE control us. Because we ARE us.

Rambleramblerambleramble. Sorry.

Let your brain be active. See what happens.

Drown, and choke. (old post)

just kidding. that one's for Emily. Yeah, she rocks so much she gets to keep her real name.

So. In life, in everyone's life, in my life, and your life, and his life and her life, we want things. We want to KNOW things and FEEL things and we WANT. We KNOW we WANT to FEEL. Instead of always worrying what will happen and fretting over what ifs and perhaps-es. (I know that's not a word) Instead of... gurgling until you explode. say something.

Not enough brain? No bread in your basket? You need six eggs? That's too expensive!

THERE MUST BE MORE TO THIS PROVINCIAAAAL LIFE! :D

Hey uber cool? lol... I know those were none of your lines. But. You rock! That show? Was crazy intense. You rock. uh... yourockyourockyourock. k? Got it? Okay. You rock.

If nothing seems concrete, go lie down on the sidewalk.

I don't get you. In two ways. I don't have you, and you don't make sense. Why can't I pretend I feel something other than what I do? Why can't I make up a word to explain to myself what it is that I do feel? Why should I have to convince myself that what I feel is real? Isn't that when you come in? Did you forget your line? Did you forget you had a part in this play?

When nothing seems concrete, go lie down on the sidewalk.

When something stupid starts to take over everything, and your usual everything turns into wasting time, real wasted time, lieing on the couch with your phone under your chin, w.a.s.t.i.n.g time, then SOMETHING IS WRONG. Or, maybe, something right is happening.

blahblahblahblahblah

It's time we all start treating people like people. Today, someone who means more than one world to me, told me something. When you trust someone, and they trust you back, and they tell you something, and the trusting bond is sealed... you feel, safe. You feel good. Trust is a very important thing, it's an important feeling, it is an important... everything. Without trust, without certainty, nothing is anything. And everything is nothing.

Trust happens. Trust is good.

It's scary to know yourself. It's scary to know that other people know you. Everyday I find out how someone is different than me. For someone who grew up being told that "everyone feels this way" I'm finding out that not everyone knows what I'm talking about. It's really interesting. I'm actually totally fascinated by people and the things people say and they way certain things make certain people feel certain ways.

As much as I try to, I don't want to say dumb myself down, because I am dumb, I am naive, still, but anyways... I try really hard to generalize myself sometimes. I try to wake up and brush my teeth and go to school and come home from dance and do my homework and go to bed and wake up and do it again. But I can't. I feel like I don't even exist.

Wake up, before you even check your phone to see how late you slept, and run outside. Right onto your front yard. I don't care if it's raining, or if your front yard is infested with pixies. Run out there. Bright an early. Sit down. And tell yourself three things you're going to do that day.

Don't go through the motions of life because you have to. Nothing should be an obligation, everything is choice. We have morals as people, and we make mistakes. But, we are capable. Of everything. We are able. We are real. We are not mechanical bodies. We are not programmed. We have the power to think! We have the power to make! To create! To learn!

Please! If you ever take any advice from me, let it be LIVE. Define it yourself. What makes you live? What keeps you alive? I'm here to help. But it's you. It's us and it's we and it's them and him and her and those guys.

Don't go through motions. Make motions. Make change, and don't waste. Define something.

secrets are hard, truths are even harder

editeditedit.SEND.JUST HIT THE DAMN BUTTON. << lol. original title. yeah,yeah. I've already told you to spit. Have you done it? Liked anyone's sweaters? I've started a lot of posts lately, with interesting titles such as... I AM NOT A NUMBER. and ... I swear to God I'm human. hahaa But I haven't done a lot of spitting. I haven't really done a lot of swallowing either though... just a heck of a lot of gurgling and swishing. Gross. Don't waste your time. I know that its hard to take something, that you think is very important, and realize it is just a waste of time. Not that time is ever really wasted. Or spent. Time and I (me and time?) have a very strange relationship. Sometimes he is kind, other times he oppresses me. Most of the time he just dangles in front of my eyes and giggles and the severe confusion he causes. Ps. Yeah, it's almost 2 am again. So... everything happens for a reason. I believe that. It's just when, you don't know that reason, and this thing that happened... or is happening... is taking over your life. You've gotta stop it. You can't let the bad take over. I mean, hey, if it's passion taking over your life? JUMP AROUND AND THROW YOUR ARMS BACK AND YELL. you can spin too if you feel the need. But, I think we've all been there. wallowy... broody... moody... erm.... angsty? Yeah? My friend lent me a book the other day all about the darkside of your horoscope. That's some scary stuff. True stuff. Apparently, its well known I have the attention span of a hyperactive mayfly. Darn, huh? What have I learned lately? It's been a while, no? I'm sorry. Too much gurgling. Too much thinking. Shake it off, get someone to set you straight. Ah, maybe that's what I'll talk about. Secrets are hard, truths are even harder. Unless you are a complete dunce (that's one of the words in one of the songs in one of the shows I'm working on right now hehe it made me laugh) Anyways, if you're a dunce, perhaps you don't realize the problems in your life. For the rest of us, we know, when we wanna 'talk' to someone... for advice, we usually know what they are going to say. We do. We know. I have faith that we know. So, if you don't have any problems; please write a blog so I can read it. If you don't realize you have problems: put on the cap, or keep reading. If you know you have problems: now we can get somewhere. If you know you have problems and you know how to solve them but you tell people about them anyways even though you know they are only going to regurgitate your own advice: hey twin. lol. So, for me. I'm starting to really put myself into these. Perhaps I should take myself out again. Make it more general? Anyways, maybe next time? Okay.. stop talking to yourself Steph.... OKAY. FOR ME! When a problem or issue or feeling or SOMETHING gets so up in your eyeballs that you can't see your eyelashes when you squint, you've gotta find that someone who can set you straight. Who you can tell your (insert word) (issue problem question life outlook) to. Someone who can listen to you, then laugh at you because they know that you know what you should do. Then they reinforce it, and when you say that you already know, they tell you why it makes sense. Those people are important, and its important to be that person for someone else too. It's "hard" to keep everything on the inside. But really? no it's not. Shut up if you tell yourself that. It's easy to swallow everything. What's hard? Spitting. It's HARD. Don't think I don't know. We all swallow sometimes, but we all have to learn to spit. But be careful. Spitting is not a pass-time. Spitting is well thought out and real and meaningful. Spitting is truth. It's not raw or rough or silly. Its just what's there. It's hard to tell someone. It's hard to tell yourself. It's nice if someone can tell you, but only if you be nice back, and listen. It'll hurt after, sometimes... but imagine if you swallowed your whole life? And you finally exploded, and everything you'd ever wanted or thought about spitting got plastered on a wall? That's what's bound to happen if you keep it all inside. So hey. remember the whole, letting people inside of you thing? I think that... different people fit differently. And we are all puzzles, made up of each other. We're not a baby puzzle... with the pictures indented into the wood and a handle on the pieces. But we're not 50000 piece puzzles either. We're a jigsaw. We fit together. We're more than two pieces, and some pieces are bigger than others, and some pieces hold other ones together. But without any pieces, we're all just A piece. You wanna be a puzzle. Puzzles are strong. Find your pieces. Goodnight. I'll continue this later. But I'm pressing post. I don't care if my spelling and my grammar sucks monkey balls. Gasp! I'm sorry english teacher... if you are reading this....