thanks to the nice

I like nice people.

I like PEOPLE. I like happy. I like making people happy. I like when people make me happy. I've never felt better after waking up this morning and reading messages from those select few who actually take a minute or two to read this little blog. Thanks guys. :) You made me smile fo sho, unslumped in an instant.

It's nice to know people care.

And trust me when I say that there WILL ALWAYS BE someone who does. I know this for a fact and would state it in ink. You will not win the argument that "no one cares". Because guess what? I care.

... not in a westjet way

Sometimes you get disconnected from life, and you float around, like I did yesterday. But I feel so grounded today you could make a hamburger out of me. Only I mean grounded as in I have my two feet on the ground. I feel rooted.

I have been told that life is all about yourself, and making yourself happy. I have also heard that life is about relationships (not necessarily romantic). I believe it's a bit of both and everything else, ultimately probably circling back to the first.

But you can not be happy on your own. Friends are good things, good people are even better. Hanging around and talking to, drinking tea with, jumping on a trampoline with, going to the movie with, "genuinely wonderful" people, is what is going to keep you happy.

I have never been good at getting close with people. I don't like to feel vulnerable because I don't like to be hurt. But I LOVE people. I love them. All. Even the ones who hate me. I love them too. Maybe I should grow my hair out and wear long skirts smoke weed and say "peace and love" every forty seconds.

But to be honest, I don't think that I think that ridiculously.

My boyfriend tells me that I don't necessarily think reasonably, but says I do think logically.

Why not look at life with a positive atitude, why not love everyone, presume the half-full?

You might say, because it's unrealistic.

But if you want to tell me that, and you want me to think "reasonably" and "correctly" because that is the right way to think, I'll say you're wrong. And you'll say I'm wrong. And you know what? No one gives a shit. Seriously, and that's the best news you can get.

Life is short. and we all want to DO something, we want to CHANGE something, we want to START something, or we want to FINISH something else. But the truth is, it doesn't matter what you do because in the end we all end up in the ground. I don't mean this in a "nothing is worth while" sort of way. What I mean is that what is worthwhile to you may be worthless to someone else, and that is OKAY. If playing music is your passion, if dancing sets your soul on fire then you better play, and you better dance. There is no shame in doing what you want, in indulging in what you love.

You don't owe anybody anything, except everything you have to give.

We have to do what makes us happy. That sounds so terrible in a bad movie sort of way. But I mean it. But choosing what makes you happiEST can be oh so very hard. Approach every decision with the mindset that decisions are final and the knowledge that you can always change your mind.

Confused?

If we think about decisions with the mindset that no matter what, we can choose again, then we are going to be more likely to choose again rather than stick with numero uno. But in order to make good decisions, you should be able to say yes knowing that you've said yes. (yes period)

But know that things can always change.

here:

0----------5----------10

If every decision was black or white and black was 0 and white was 10, I'd be a five every single time. I pro and con the bananas out of any monkey.

Big decisions are hard. For example: choosing what school to send your acceptance letter to. You can pro and con all you want, but you can't have gray, you have to choose black or white. You HAVE to. No one can choose for you.

Part of me wishes I hadn't applied to numero 2 school so I wouldn't have to make a choice about whether or not to attend numero 1. Process of elimination from one choosing one choice to choose from.

My actual life lesson today: instead of frowning at the little things, about the details that bother you, about the trivial and the simple. Instead of frowning: smile. Don't be bothered, just laugh. You are you helping by being grumpy? No one. Every minute you pout you lose one minute of possible happy bliss.


And-
Be genuinely wonderful, because guess what? People notice.

a little sad, mostly sorry

Sometimes I have to read my own blog when I've had a bad day to make myself stop wallowing. I miss my boyfriend, boo. He'll be better soon.

Today I'm thinking a lot about people, I have been for a while now. Aren't people strange? I don't "hate" anyone, I really don't, some people annoy me, but I don't find anyone completely impossible to tolerable. Because I think "hating" people is unjustified. We shouldn't be able to "hate".

You know what I DO hate? Tough times and being forced to keep your mouth shut. That's rough.

I've been feeling sort of recycled lately. Like I'm the same old stuff, but different. I keep being put through machines that turn me into new things. I wake up and I'm a journalist, I go to sleep and I'm a teacher, then I dream about making movies.

To be honest I'm feeling quite lost. In an awkward... I really have no idea what is going on way. I'm floating, but not being robotic. I'm not in a routine, I'm just sort of dreaming life. I want to shake it off but it's really hard when what keeps you solid suddenly crumbles.

I got my hair cut, that's exciting.

I feel... inappropriate. Like I'm the triangle peg trying to fit into the circle hole. It's not that I want to conform, not that I want to change to fit, I'm just tired of having so much trouble resting. Maybe it's my city, maybe it's what's up, or maybe it's just my brain.

I'm bummed out. Worn down. Like... a dirty dishrag. Ready to be tossed.

Also, I have no idea what time it is? I'm in Florida but there was a daylight savings time switcharoo and I'm so confused. haha

Suggestions: If you find yourself in a similar slump take note that "unslumping yourself is not easily done" (that's dr. seuss) but it is necessary that you do it. Instead of dwelling, move on. Do something. Staying in a slump is as useless as serving sour milk at a dinner party. No one wants to be around you if you are in a slump. So suck it up. I know life is hard, but it doesn't matter what happens to us, it's all about how we react to it right?

There are two people in particular who I want to apologize to. Both who probably won't see this and even if they do, they won't do anything about it. I guess a lesson we all have to learn is that you really can't please everyone, and you can't keep everyone around. Well, at least I can't.

1st. I want to apologize to the person who listened to me read "Oh the Places You'll Go" and liked it just as much as I did. I miss you, and I want to be able to talk to you again. You understand how I float and dream in waking life, and I miss being able to float around with you. It scares me how much sense you make. I'm really sorry. Maybe one day we can talk again.

2nd. You're the first person who asked me to be their girlfriend, and I told you to drive me home. Thanks for driving me home. Thanks for picking me up. Thanks for letting me be upset, then comforting me and just the right time that last drive. I miss you too. But I think everyone knows you're one of those people who it's best for me to just stay away from. I hate you so much (haha). But in the best ways. You're pretty sweet for such a douchebag. lol just kidding about the douchebag part... Thanks for the flowers at my play. Thanks for the blanket. I'm sorry. Maybe one day we can talk again.

and actually 3rd...

To all my friends. I'm sorry that somehow real-life communication is somehow excruciatingly difficult for me. Writing is just so much more natural. I know this sucks. Thanks for putting up with me. I hope we still talk.