To be continued

Hey. < have you ever noticed how periods make you seem pissed? (lol. ha.) I don't like them. lol

I'm not pissed. Have I talked about the word "hate" yet? Proably not, since it's been six years since I've actually said anything. We had this presentation at our school, a long time ago, and this woman came in to speak to us about... life? She is a holocaust survivor and she told us about her experiences and such. And she talked about hate.

I used to say hate all the time. ughhh guys I HATE when you do that, gross.... I HATE bugs. Really, I said hate, a lot.

After this presentation... I don't say hate anymore. (okay... I do, but it's usually followed by a "WAIT! I don't say hate anymore")

I can't really explain what this woman said. But, she cried, in front of an entire gym filled with stupid high school kids. And not a single stupid highschool kid was laughing, or making a stupid joke. Every single stupid highschool kid sitting in a stupid plastic chair was watching this woman, and every single one of us was FEELING. This woman, I'm terrible I don't remember her name, but this woman was explaing hate to us. I can't do what she did, but if you heard her talk about hate, you would feel the little squirmish feeling I get every time I say it. Everytime I say it I can see her, on stage, crying, and I can see the gym, and all the kids, and I can hear the quiet-ness that the gym had.

I want to make people feel like she did. Like... how she made the kids feel, I don't want people to go through what she did.

Do you ever feel like everything was better before? Bike's were way nicer, microphones were big and silver and wicked. And if we go way back.... us girls got to wear ridiculous dresses and carry little umbrellas around and guys had to wear cute little jackets? And it was a big deal if someone wanted to hold your hand? Does anyone else miss that? Maybe you can't technically miss anything you've never had, but, I do. I miss a lot of things I've never had.

I wish I could time travel.

hahahah on the literacy test this year one of the questions was asking us what out ideal career would be. And I wrote about being a time traveler, really, I did.

Stop it. Now Go. (old post)

There is a brick wall in between my brain and my fingers. I'm trying to get the message that's stuck up there down in this little box I'm typing in, but it's not working. I've tried over and over and over again.

Words are so hard.

I feel hollow today. (Emma I hope you notice I used that word again :P) Like someone snuck up on me last night with a big spoon and snacked on my indies. Cause there's nothing left today. Nothing is wrong, and I'm not sad, just hollow.

Hollow isn't a nice feeling, and there is no reason why you should have to feel it. Do you know the hollow feeling I'm talking about?

I promise that you're good enough, even if you're not. You don't have to be THE best to be YOUR best, and YOUR best IS the best, and the THE best doesn't exist.

Teekly Wip.

It's been about a month? Unacceptable. It's definitely NOT because I don't have anything to say. It could have something to do with how much I've been thinking though. Bad Steph, not enough spit! Too much swish and gurgle. Sigh.

Alrighty. So. Setting goals is good, mostly because achieving them is better. So... this is big. Make sure you're sitting down. I'm going to make sure I update this blog thing of mine weekly. HUGE GASP! I know. Terrifying, right? Wrong! I believe that by the end of every week I will have something to say. I'm setting a goal. When you set goals, things get done.

I like telling you guys (whoever you may be) the titles of the posts I don't publish... such as "Girls are dumb... and good friends are hard to understand" and "There isn't always a rule book, and not everything comes with instructions." I like the last one, I'll probably end up talking about it in this one....

Maybe I should just start actually talking? Instead of talking about talking? Okay.

Hmmm.... I don't know how long this one is going to be. I think too much. It sucks sometimes. Thinking is good, but sometimes I envy those who are oblivious. Not that I believe anyone is completely and totally oblivious... except... okay never mind.

I think that I will post this one. And then come back in ten seconds and do a real one. This is just an update. Oh, The teekly wip thing? That's stolen from Sunjay Nath, a super cool awesome speaker. You should check out his website ... http://www.sunjaynath.com/ and subscribe to his "teekly wip" and you should also go hear him speak if you can. He's really awesome. Totally inspiring. His whole mixing up the words and the final sentence of the story (for those of you who've heard him, you know what I'm talking about) it just gets to me. Shivers. Choose your life, and you lose chife! (Chife= mad sad bad)

Okay. Sunjay rocks. I'll be back in ten seconds to tell you how life has been, what I've learned the past month, and what still and might always confuse my socks off.

There isn't always a rule book, and not everything comes with instructions. (old post)

It's all been done before. Sure it has. But none of us have done everything. Just because someone did it, doesn't mean you have. Everything happens to everyone for a first time. And everything, and everyone, and every time is specific.

Nobody anywhere can tell you how you feel, or how you should do something. It's our individual job to figure out what works for us. Making rules are scary, and when we don't have instructions, it's easy to just sit on your hands and wait for them. But you can't be afraid. If you sit on your hands forever they'll fall off, and then you won't be able to eat corn on the cob, or button your shirt.

Don't tell yourself that something isn't special, or that the way you feel is just programmed into humanity. Everything is original.