Not Selfish, Real.

I can't control you. No sir, no mam. I can only attempt to control myself. If you piss me off, I'm probably going to do something about, something that probably doesn't involve confronting you. I don't really like to confront things, I like to let them go. But it drives me absolutely NUTS when people don't confront me. Like, I'm sorry, but if you have a problem with me why don't you just say it to my face? Hmm? Or you can just delete me off facebook and wait till I notice.

And it's really funny that it pisses me off, because that's exactly what I do. But, I shouldn't have to be the one to apologize, should I? And then especially if I add you back and you accept and then you just delete me again. Jesus!

Is this facebook thing a metaphor for something deeper? NO! I'm just fricken pissed off that I've been deleted! lol

Sorry.

Anyways, today I'm going to talk about feelings and getting hurt and friendships and what exactly they mean. It's not my fault if you thought I was something else. I don't have to prove anything to you. It's your fault for misjudging. Right? I don't have to live my life trying to please you or make you feel how you want me to make you feel. And that's not me being selfish, that's me being real.

Don't tell me I lied to you when I didn't.

Don't tell me I don't deserve what I want.

Becase that's not fair. I never said you didn't deserve what you wanted. I never yelled at you or threw books accross a classroom because you weren't behaving how I wanted you to. I respect you, all of you, for who and what you are. Everyone gets angry, everyone gets sad, everyone gets scary sometimes too. It makes no difference to me.

So how dare you somehow make it my fault you didn't win. That's not my job. I don't have to let you have anything. I'm me, all me, and all me is mine, and I can share whatever I want of me with whoever I chose. I don't owe you anything. And you don't owe me anything either.

Apologies are important, and we should value them, especially if they are sincere. If I say I'm sorry, I mean it. So listen when I say it. I'm sorry, really. I'm sorry even though it's not my fault. It's so stupid to be angry with someone for being. Just being. You're pretty much mad at me for existing.

I can disappear. I can run away. But I like to think we both have enough decency to wave goodbye.

But tell me to fuck off. If it makes you feel any better you go right ahead.