time.time.time.time.time.time! Holy man. Time rules all. Time is life! Time is the only constant. It's always there, always passing, running out... Time! Crazy!
It's already February the 21st. What have you done this February? It's weird looking at the word February... with the R after the B. It looks weird.
OH MY GOD! I GOT IN! To that thing... that I started making this blog for... I got in! Can you believe it? Holy man. I'm right excited. Ha. I leave in eleven days. I think. haha
Is there a difference between being nice and being a pushover? There must be a cut off somewhere. I like to think that people know I'd go through a lot to make them happy. I hate being around people who are upset, yet I'm drawn to them because something inside of me just wants them to feel better. I do everything in my power to keep everyone happy. I really do. But what goes along with that is the occasional event of being stepped on. I put others peoples happiness before my own, because one of the things I know makes ME happy is making OTHER people happy. But, sometimes the things you have to go through to make those OTHER people happy are quite difficult to deal with.
Maybe I think that if I let these OTHER people continue to step on me, eventually they'll realize that I've let them do so in order to give them eventual happiness. Maybe I think once they realize that, they'll stop stepping on me, and start trying to make ME happy too.
Don't get me wrong, I'm an extremely happy person. People always ask me "Steph, are you ever angry?" "You're always smiling" haha But also, I have excellent experience with the entire emotional spectrum. Believe me.
So. I don't think by any means that I'm a push over. I think a push over doesn't realize they're even being pushed. I LET people step on me sometimes, cause in the long run I hope they realize what its like to be stepped on, and then they stop stepping on people, and try to make other people realize that it's not by stepping on people that we feel better about ourselves. It's when we help people realize its by HELPING people UP the real staircase that we all feel good.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
oh geeze.
I LOVE the song toothpaste kisses, by the maccabees. listen to it. its awesome.
I have a bad habit of sometimes making huge plans, and not following through. Maybe I get scared of the time, maybe I forget it's going to pass anyway. I hate it. Anyways, I'm really trying to stop doing that. I started this blog thing, and I'm going to finish it. I don't know when I'll be done, but I know I will know when I am.
I'm not done yet.
On a total opposite end of the spectrum, I'm slowly learning how to let things go. That's an important skill you have to figure out. I don't think you're supposed to forget about things. I don't like forgetting. But, you have to learn to take things that happened, that upset you, and make them stop happening. Does that make sense? Take the person who hurt you, and turn them into a memory. A memory is in a different place than a thought. You can think about memories, but when you're done they go back to their shelf.
Use what you feel, and turn it into something else. Like vegetable oil fueling cars. Take something you feel, that might not be so awesome, and put it towards something more efficient. I'm talking about bad feelings here, if you haven't caught on. Although, you should try to keep your happy moments as memories too.
Memories are long-term. Thoughts are moments.
By taking these events, these thoughts, those words... and filing them away in the back of your head, you don't forget about them. You're never going to forget about them, get that through your head before you start trying to use them more efficiently. But by doing this, these things turn into experiences, rather than tragedies. If everything we felt would kill us actually did, the world would be populated by mindless fish and leaves.
Now, you're probably thinking. Hey, didn't you say a few weeks ago to let yourself feel? Didn't you say when you think something is the end of the world, it is?
Yeah, I did. Before you let go (/ efficiently use) something, it has to pass through your thoughts first, you can't avoid that step. You DO have to let yourself feel. Panic at the Disco says: "I'm sure I didn't ruin her, I just made her more interesting."
I like to think that about everything. Our society is strong. Each individual is admirable. We CAN get through things, and the end of one world will come as a new one takes its place. Always tell yourself that you can't be ruined, that you only get more interesting.
I'm not an idiot. I know life sucks sometimes. I KNOW. But by realizing that, I also must know that life is INCREDIBLE. Life is full of beauty and indescribable happiness. "Without the sour, the sweet wouldn't taste." - The Hush Sound
So, once you feel you've felt enough of the end of the world, open up your arms and let the new one come. But store the hurt, keep the sad, and hang up the confusion, because you always want to be able to tap back into emotions. Don't put yourself through the world changing every day. Just know that if you could, you would pull yourself back briefly into that previous world and do a few things different. But don't dwell. Things happen, and you can't change them. Just because you typed something, and backspaced it before you clicked send, doesn't mean you didn't feel it. Erasing doesn't mean you didn't mean it. Backspace buttons and erasers are two big things that take a lot of feeling out of all worlds.
Don't be afraid of the end of the world. Let it come. Feel sad. Accept the new one. Store the old. Rinse... and repeat.
I have a bad habit of sometimes making huge plans, and not following through. Maybe I get scared of the time, maybe I forget it's going to pass anyway. I hate it. Anyways, I'm really trying to stop doing that. I started this blog thing, and I'm going to finish it. I don't know when I'll be done, but I know I will know when I am.
I'm not done yet.
On a total opposite end of the spectrum, I'm slowly learning how to let things go. That's an important skill you have to figure out. I don't think you're supposed to forget about things. I don't like forgetting. But, you have to learn to take things that happened, that upset you, and make them stop happening. Does that make sense? Take the person who hurt you, and turn them into a memory. A memory is in a different place than a thought. You can think about memories, but when you're done they go back to their shelf.
Use what you feel, and turn it into something else. Like vegetable oil fueling cars. Take something you feel, that might not be so awesome, and put it towards something more efficient. I'm talking about bad feelings here, if you haven't caught on. Although, you should try to keep your happy moments as memories too.
Memories are long-term. Thoughts are moments.
By taking these events, these thoughts, those words... and filing them away in the back of your head, you don't forget about them. You're never going to forget about them, get that through your head before you start trying to use them more efficiently. But by doing this, these things turn into experiences, rather than tragedies. If everything we felt would kill us actually did, the world would be populated by mindless fish and leaves.
Now, you're probably thinking. Hey, didn't you say a few weeks ago to let yourself feel? Didn't you say when you think something is the end of the world, it is?
Yeah, I did. Before you let go (/ efficiently use) something, it has to pass through your thoughts first, you can't avoid that step. You DO have to let yourself feel. Panic at the Disco says: "I'm sure I didn't ruin her, I just made her more interesting."
I like to think that about everything. Our society is strong. Each individual is admirable. We CAN get through things, and the end of one world will come as a new one takes its place. Always tell yourself that you can't be ruined, that you only get more interesting.
I'm not an idiot. I know life sucks sometimes. I KNOW. But by realizing that, I also must know that life is INCREDIBLE. Life is full of beauty and indescribable happiness. "Without the sour, the sweet wouldn't taste." - The Hush Sound
So, once you feel you've felt enough of the end of the world, open up your arms and let the new one come. But store the hurt, keep the sad, and hang up the confusion, because you always want to be able to tap back into emotions. Don't put yourself through the world changing every day. Just know that if you could, you would pull yourself back briefly into that previous world and do a few things different. But don't dwell. Things happen, and you can't change them. Just because you typed something, and backspaced it before you clicked send, doesn't mean you didn't feel it. Erasing doesn't mean you didn't mean it. Backspace buttons and erasers are two big things that take a lot of feeling out of all worlds.
Don't be afraid of the end of the world. Let it come. Feel sad. Accept the new one. Store the old. Rinse... and repeat.
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